I would let your W initiate any contact (visits, dinners, family outings) for a goog long while. I know you have to see her when you exchange the children but other than that, I would let her do ALL the initiating (making plans or any other form of contact).
And while this will be difficult *if* she does initiate plans I would not always say yes. If she does initiate plans again I would decline and happily say... "W, that sounds great but I will have to take a rain check"
No matter what contact you have w/her (in person or via the phone or computer or text) be sure to always end the contact first. I think for now that is important.
As far as her going on and on about her b-day which you were not invited to I think it was terribly rude. This type of situation is where you need to learn to set your boundaries. In a firm and polite manner you can say "W, I am glad you enjoyed your celebration but I certainly dont need to hear all the details and would prefer not to".
It has happened in a long time but last summer H used to bring up his GF from time to time saying how happy he was or how good things were and I would tell him in a very firm tone "H, I will not listen to this anymore, its disrespectful and something I will not discuss with you". It stopped.
The WAS will push and push for that platonic type R and a good sign of that is when they start to talk to you about other men or women. Its up to you how you handle that but I nipped it in the bud right off the bat.
Once you are detached more your W could say ANYTHING to you and it wont even be a blip in your radar anymore. It will just be her talking and it wont have any positive or negative reaction from you.
Detach, lose any and all expectations and set your boundaries.
My sister and I are 3.5 yrs apart in age and we are also best friends. We have been our whole life. There is nothing like having a sister as a best friend so I think it is a positive that your girls are so close. Encourage that R and help that nurture it.
