Start of the end..

[iwantittowork]

Well,

Today is the start of the work on ending my M with my W. This is what she wants, and not me, but were headed for Mediation starting today. I do not expect mediation to work, once the financials are on the table, and she sees that there is essentially 0 dollors in the kitty to divide between us, and that I am not going to go live with my parents, and pay for her to stay in our home..

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, looking at my D everyday, and knowing that my M is going to be over is just killing me.

My W has truly moved on, and I wonder if she ever was truly in love with me. I know I can't focus on that, but I can't understand how it is so easy for her just to say goodbye to everything we tried to put together for 14 years.

I also met with my L on friday, and what he told me to do is completely mind boggling to me. He is suggesting I leave the house ASAP, maybe even deed the house over to her, and then convert to only giving her child support money, and let her deal with the financials of the house, her cars, utilities, etc knowing that she most likely won't be able to maintain it for long. (I don't want the house, and need to move closer to work, so that's part of the impetus for his reasoning..)

From an Logical, and even somewhat for my emotional well being, I can clearly see what he is saying, but it goes against every core belief and thing I had thought about myself from being a good H and provider for my Family. I have been struggling with it all weekend, even though everyone I discuss it with understands what the L is suggesting completely..

I am curious, if anyone reads my Sitch here, what are your thoughts on this? Anyone ever done something like this? If I do so, it would be the hardest decision I ever make in my life, but may give control of me back to myself during this..