Gardener, You do what you have to do for YOU. If she comes back around in the process great. This is my rule of thumb: I don't do ANYTHING I'm not willing to do for the rest of my life. For example, I like to do laundry. I do his too because that is something I am very content to do forever. I'm grateful I'm healthy enough to do that. I continue to clean the house, because I'll do that for the rest of my life. I play with our son, because I love it and will be more than happy if our son stopped growing and stayed three forever. (He won't.....and that makes me sad. LOL!)
I will not have sex with my husband three times a day every day becasue I'm not willing to do that for the rest of my life. I have things to do no matter how enjoyable that aspect of our relationship is, it's not realistic. I won't be sitting at home waiting for him to get there so I can rub his feet every night. Again, I have things to do and while it might entice him for a while I can't keep that up. I won't let him be disrespectful to me now because I can't ever let that be my way of life......etc.
Understand?
Do what you have to do to make you happy, completely outside of her and what she brings to your life. You have to be happy for you, then you can make a happy life with someone else. She has to make herself happy then she can make a happy life with you. While all of this sounds soooooo simple it's hard. Especially when the WAS is blaming the LBS for all of their unhappiness. Just like you can't make them happy, you can't make them unhappy exclusively either. But someone has to be blamed because surely, they aren't the source of their unhappiness.....
So forget her issues. Work on your own. Do not do things "in hopes it will turn her around". Because when it doesn't you'll be disappointed and backslide and be angry. Do what you need to do with no expectations. When it's you who is the gauge, you are much happier and more successful because you can control you.....nothing and no one else.
