In retrospect they now seem (to me) to have been potentially repairable, or attempt-to-repair-able at the least.
That "in retrospect" is important, though -- how did WAW characterize them to you at the time and, more importantly, what was your response? Did you agree with her evaluation? That's important because now you aver that in your current sitch your challenges
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are all repairable/attempt-to-repair-able, IMO.
But WAW does not think so, does she? So to what extent are the issues in THIS marriage like/unlike the issues she related from her PREVIOUS marriage?
Why do I ask? Is it possible that this is a pattern for her? That she consistently avoids doing the work in challenging relationships? That it has been easier for her to run than fight? You yourself describe a
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pattern in her life of making a decision/last straw on people who have hurt her (H1, her father & mother, my mother, a friend/acquaintance or two, now me) to sever the R. Completely. Fini.
That's very important and could have a profound impact on your DB goals, because if running is her pattern then you have a much, much more challenging task -- you're not simply engaging a temporary (regardless of duration) dissatisfaction or unhappiness with "an" M, you're engaging a core personality trait.
Ironic, isn't it? You might actually have more in common with H1 than you thought! Poor old H1 might have been up here on the DB boards himself, dealing with this same challenge!
But the bigger issue (to me) is this:
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Re: my D1. Totally different bizzarro sitch (except for my initial pleading. Did lots of pleading.)
That, my friend, is what we call a "Weasel." Just how different was the sitch really -- and I don't mean the facts, because the facts are in a sense irrelevant. I mean in terms of your behavior? Your patterns as an H? (And indeed in terms of your coping behavior -- did you handle it better then than now? Why or why not?)
Give you an example from Le Monde du SmileysPerson. Foreign Female Friend is on her second M, possible second D. What she's finding is that, while she'd long thought of D1 as "no-harm/no-foul," she's reenacting a lot of the same behaviors this time 'round -- and, realizing it, is consciously changing them. (She's very, very good, is FFF, at The Work -- most admirable.)
Patterns. We're all about Patterns, we frail humans. This is an opportunity for you to uncover your patterns. The self-help maven Tony Robbins (divorced though he may be) speaks of patterns a lot. He characterizes Our Way of doing things like an old vinyl LP -- we move by tracks and grooves. So scratch the record, it doesn't play the same way again. One thing DB'ing allows us to do, IMO, is scratch our own records.
