So if she wants to separate, she would have to work out a complete separation agreement, including how much spousal support she would need during that period of time. I'd have to figure out how to pay the mortgage and still pay that spousal support, etc. I don't think she want's to face any of this. (and I am not volunteering to help her figure it out).
So basically, that leaves her with "I'm Trapped! I'm Trapped! You are Trapping Me!"
@Greek's comments sure seem sound to me, he said alliteratively. As I look over the last dozen or so posts I see two dynamics in tension: First, the emotional/couplehood dynamic, or what we might call The Clash Challenge (should I stay or should I go?); second, the money money money dynamic, or the ABBA Challenge.
So which '70s groups prevails, ABBA or The Clash? In a sense, neither -- they are two discrete problems.
With respect to the money, assuming D is inevitable you're going to be paying. With respect to the couplehood, you're going to be paying a different price. So right now, which of the two is cheaper?
It might well be the case that you're better off by being home and not at your company offices. But are you better off NET? Or is WAW's state of Trappeditude a NET LOSS? In other words, are you being penny-wise and pound-foolish? Sure, you're saving gas money and spending more time with the kids and GALing -- but is that simultaneously pushing WAW further and further down the D-Road?
On the other hand, you're perfectly within your rights to demand that WAW get out of Dodge if she wants that space. Though you'll have to pay the price for that. So what's the tradeoff? If WAW gets the space and air, loses the feeling of being trapped, do you get a DB Payoff > financial cost? Sure, that's a theoretical tradeoff, but I know you know where I'm going with that. Gotta spend money to make money, right? Question is -- would you make money? Or would Separation simply be Dress Rehearsal for Divorce?
Since you've got the Benjamins in the relationship, you have a bargaining advantage. WAW, says Thinker, I understand your Trapped-ness. I do. And I hope you understand that I don't want to deliberately trap you. But I can't help feeling that (a) we'll BOTH be worse off financially if there are 2 residences to pay for and (b) that the kids will suffer more with us separated than apart-together. At the same time, being a Fine and Upstanding Human Being, I don't like to see you suffer. So I'll make you a deal. If you agree to go to Retrouvaille on umpty-ump weekend, I'll start working the numbers to get you set up if we're unable to make any progress after that weekend.
Because if you're going to be dropping some coin, it's reasonable that you get some kind of return on that investment. At a minimum, if she WANTS that separation badly enough, she'll suck up the price to her. If she's unwilling to pay that price, on the other hand, then you know something.
