Today is the day. I am marking it on my calendar that things can only go up! Okay so maybe I'm not THAT unrealistic. They will also go down, I know this, but there will be peaks & valleys on the upwards moving graph.
And the graph is NOT for H - it's for me
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Wow I really have to change the title of this thread! Back to the old chicken & the egg analogy. That was wrong. Detachment comes first HAS to. Happiness comes after. True change first, true happiness after. Detachment = unconditional love.
Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness & self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Paul lists the fruits of the Spirit in a logical progression. The reason that joy follows love is that love governs joy. Anyone who lives a life full of love will be joyful. W/O love there can be no joy. Joy exists in, never out of, loving relationships.
ok so I just answered my own question.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
Do you know about the Rejoice Marriage Ministries website?
The couple who head up this site had marriage problems,( him with infidelity ) and got a divorce. She started treating him with unconditional love, and forgave him. He turned his life around, and they remarried two years later.
When I'm not here reading, I'm over there. I urge you to check it out if you are not familiar with it.
I think I'm finally getting it. Tell me if I've had my lightbulb moment & this is to Forrest Gump too! Which by the way, I was at my MIL's house today & they mentioned that movie & I thought - I'm friends with that guy on a message board!
Anywho...when you are REALLY & TRULY making your changes, you don't have to worry anymore about - did I do or say the right thing? You just KNOW you did. It's not about doing the right thing anymore "to see if your WAS responds" - you just do it because it feels right & you want to.
For example, for the past few months everytime H says - I'm going out with my friends. I would be biting my tongue & deep down I was mad. Tonight H said I'm going on my friend's boat next week & I said (and meant it) - that sounds like fun! you haven't been out on his boat since last summer, have you? H says no. I said well I bet you guys are going to have a great time. And I actually meant it!
And I don't care about his reaction. He could continue to reject me, and of course that's not what I want & it hurts, but I'm happy for him. I really am.
Tonight I was sitting on the couch with him thinking - yep, I'm over here on my side, going through my journey. And he's over there on the other side, going through his! And I'm happy!
Is this what you guys have been trying to get me to "get"? Please read post above. It's what made me have this revelation.
Since the R.E. at the top had my name on it, I am going to assume that you are asking me ?
That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. I have used this analogy before here, but one more time would never hurt.
I view this as a two-for-one special at the grocery store. HE has a path that he needs to walk, but at the same time, YOU get to make that journey too. YOU get to find yourself at the same time. And at the end of this, whether or not you are still married will not matter to you, because you will be standing strong for your next relationship......and maybe, just maybe, that relationship will be with your present spouse.
One of the greatest gifts one can possibly give their partner is the freedom to find and be themselves. Unbeknownst to him, he is giving you that too.....
Great convo with your friend, but remember, there are NO timelines for this, everyone is different. Hers won't work for you. It takes as long as it takes.
To quote Forrest if I may.....DO WORK
BTW Forrest mutual friend J3B says Hi....
(Wiping tears ) I think our little girl is growing up....
Any good coffee shops out there in western PW ?
I'm always in search of that perfect cup of coffee, and would make that drive....
Hopeful, I have a friend with a similiar story and another one with an even worse story....one that makes me want to keep fighting. (Though lately, I'm sort of over it and want to just move on! Don't listen to me.)
You sound fabulous! That's the most important thing here. You sound like you are getting a real grip on what it is YOU need to do for YOU and then everything else will fall into place.
