I am glad you were able to have a "wonderful" day with him, mj. Don't have a clue what that means though as I am going thru many wonderful days with my H as well.
My H says he wants a D so that he can psychologically start over. This is not a game or a tv set........you can't just decide to press "reset"....how many times will he press the reset button in our lives and how? Today its D, next time it may be an Affair. So, whenever we can't figure things out he will "reset"? OOOHH! What a great way to live your life!
I told him when we first met that I did not want to get married......I wanted to just live together......this M business seems to put people is different places and its a great excuse for those who just don't want to put in any effort.
Lets just get a D and they feel like they have "done" something to help themselves psychologically. Its taken so lightly. Why would I want to give him a D, meet up after a year to see if we could start over again?
HOW STUPID dO I HAVE TO BE? What is MY benefit? I get to be with you again when YOU are ready? WHAT? This is the only option?
Does anyone understand what H is saying? How do I manage this? I have been validating and not arguing yet, but boy am i in the mood this morning.
I feel like saying "F*%^# U" I am not the trash to be put out and then dug back up after a year! I really just do not know how I would trust him again? He says he has me on a pedestal.
He says he would do things differently if we could start again. SURE......what is the guarantee and why would I be dumb enough to make a go of it again, only to have him bail on me after another 5 years or so....I just don't know.
He says he is attracted to me, but he just doesn't want to act on it. He says he never wanted the elaborate wedding that my parents gave us. He says he doesn't want to take a leadership role in my career. He says if he doesn't like something I am doing, he wants to be able to just say that to me. He says he doesn't want to be some "good guy" who is doing all the "right" things bc he is not always that good. He says he feel that my brother-in-law gives more to my sis than he (my H) gives to me and I deserve more.
ok.......I have validated and not argued and actually understood where he is coming fom. Now, someone give me some perspective and tell me why I would trust him ever again?
He wants to get a D and have a year "off" and then we can meet up again to see if we both wanted to try again. He says he won't get involved with anyone else....there is no A even now. What is my benefit here??? Its like I am saying to him, he can do whatever he wants and he can press the "reset" button however he wants and I will just be waiting for him. I am not that person.
I would NOT get involved with anyone for a few years for sure and then maybe......definately, I know I do not want to marry again. But I would rather be alone than with a person I do not trust. Why should I trust that this will not become a pattern for "us"?
