K4D Rising

[25yearsmlc]

Kevin,

Sorry the evening didn't go as planned. I wish you had stayed with the plan you made. You have to really do the detachment work and not just read about it or agree to it or ponder it...take that first step of the journey. Or it'll be that much longer. And harder.

Obviously you should have left when dinner was over. She didn't really need any help. (We know that now, so we don't have to wonder). No, we can't read minds but my guess is that either she did want help but then she thought better of it b/c she didn't want you around so much, OR maybe, less likely, she wanted to make sure you had no real plans b/c it stroked her ego to know you weren't really GAL. (Either way she she still had all that power you gave her).

And then she said, in effect, "Bye now Kevin, go B/C i now recall that I don't need you." Ouch. There are subconcious (or conscious) games going on at your expense. Unfortunately, you play the game over and over.

For instance, when she goes on about her birthday activities, from which you were excluded...First-- that's just rude. I would not do that to a neighbor whom I had excluded, let alone someone to whom I was once married. At best it's very insensitive of her. Does she really think of you as an old platonic friend who is interested in what a good time she is having as a single woman? Or is she just so self absorbed she's this unaware? There's not a lot of respect or kindness going on there. But why did you remind her that you wish you could have been there? You thought she forgot the neediness for a minute? That's what we want her to think Kevin. That you offer something, not that you need. Ignore it if you can, or ask her not to discuss it. I mean, why ask any questions about her birthday activities or even pay attention, let alone tell her you wish you had been there? Or that you wish you had seen her family from out of town???!! [/i] This is the family with the mother in law who won't be in same room as you Kevin...come on.


Like I said, you really need to do more than read about detachment Kevin, you have to do it. Maybe when you bang your head against the wall enough, you'll decide one day to stop the banging and wondering

Here is what matters now....[color:#FF0000]What do you think you'll do differently next time you are there as a guest? What will you do if she tries to manipulate you again? Can you firmly say you have plans, then leave, and reveal nothing? That'd be a real 180'. If your kids ever truly need you, of course that changes it all. But if she had needed you to "pack" for a camping trip, all you could possibly have been were needed for - was lifting something. She can do the rest, and now it's all her job. That's what happens when you don't always have a man around.

Could reading the detaching section every day and every evening help you? If I were you, I would do anything I could to make detachment a reality.
Otherwise you are making a long journey a lot longer and a lot harder and maybe not even something you can accomplish. B/C Without detaching, I dont' see how you'll succeed. It's the first big important step. And the other stuff, GAL is a lot easier when you do the detachment.
j-