Our weather has been very soggy, cool with occasional outbursts of sunshine. This inclement weather can adversely effect the mood, too. I know I feel as motivated as a slug in mud at times.
I was married, divorced and still live in the Nutmeg State. With mediation, it's suggested each party have their own lawyer to review the settlement. Find out if there really is a bias with the mediator. Going for an online divorce sounds like a 'we've been through this wringer before, let's get out of this financially sound' type of thinking... a practical divorce.
You asked.. when does the work of DBing stuff kick in? It's when YOU see the difference in yourself. When you find yourself growing, letting go of the little stuff, having perspective, new awarenesses. It's all about you becoming the person you're meant to be in the best possible way.
Your wife knows you didn't want the divorce and moved out anyway. How you feel hasn't changed her mind. You can tell her that she can do all the work, that you don't agree with it (something she already knows). You can say, "I know you want this, I don't agree with it but I want you to be happy." Although its counterintuitive it frees up negative energy on both your parts. She may not know what to do when you drop the rope, stop resisting. You can only do what you feel is right.
Setting your own parameters is proactive. The provision of selling the house with the divorce is a good one.. on many different levels. It's a smack in the face about the consequences of actions. The cost of selling the house (preparation, realtor fees, taxes etc) will be carried by both which is no small thing.
Good luck.. and be as nurturing to your Self as you are to your garden.
