It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

My poor H didn't get much of a Father's Day. I was woke up this morning by my Mom who was supposed to pick up S18 and take him to the ferry so he could go spend the day with his Dad. Well, S18 wasn't at the appointed meeting place and when my Mom got hold of him he said he was "in no shape to go". So, S18 stood up H and put my Mom out by having her drive over here (20 minute drive at 6am).

H was obviously disappointed so I hear, and left my Mom a voice mail apologizing and thanking her for her willingness to try. I called and left a message for H saying that I was sorry and I that I would make sure S18 knew of my disappointment as well.

I just talked to my D24 on the phone. She was supposed to come over and bring GD today, but SIL didn't feel like going to work today so they stayed home so I didn't get my "cuddles". She didn't call her Dad either, and gave me a couple lame excuses.

D24 also told me that S18 told her that H and S18 had planned to go to a strip club tonight. How's that for good quality father/son time!!!???

It is all so sad. I know we made mistakes as parents but we did really try to be involved and set a good example and teach our kids right from wrong. And Mother's day evening was the night my S18 took the car for the last time and I had to "kick him out", and now this.......

There is really nothing to draw H back home. I sometimes really think that he is right for his feelings that we were just never meant to be, but we did it anyway. What does he have to come back to? Other than a woman that loves him unconditionally....... but that is not something he values, and likely never will.

Sad. And I know he is probably hurting and angry right now. That doesn't make me happy. Quite the contrary.

I did receive a reply to my e-mail yesterday. He seemed to have misunderstood some things I said in the beginning of the letter (which I didn't include in my post here) about concerns on how the kind of written agreements we were discussing would work with the bankruptcy, and what happens in certain contingencies like death and/or remarriage. So, I replied again him via e-mail clarifying that my thoughts were about logistics on how to do all this, not about complaining or anything like that regarding him. I then ended with this.....

H,

I am really uncomfortable with all this hagleing stuff. So, here is my feelings in a nutshell. Dream house is yours to do with as you please. How you do your will or your life insurance or anything like that is your business. Please do me the courtesy of letting me know if you change these things, so I can make changes if needed, and I will do the same for you. I ask that you allow a legal seperation until such time as either of us wants to remarry, or the end of your Chapter 13, whichever comes first, so I can maintain my benefits. I ask that you do all you can to assure/protect my interests in the main house if that should occur. I ask that you just do your best to treat me with dignity and honor as I have tried to do with you and will continue to do. And I ask that you understand the vulnerable place I am in here, and try to be sensitive to it.

I know you are a good man, and I believe in you, and I trust you will do your best by me.

He did not say anything in his e-mail about what I had said about letting him go with love and hoping he finds love and happiness, except "Thank you, I will."

I haven't had a reply from him on my reply but I don't really expect one.

I've done all I can to surrender and "offer it up" (as my FIL used to say). [Although my L will of course do all she can to see I am protected legally and financially of course.......I'm not talking about offering up my juggular here, Puppy! ] And I've done it for me, for my own health and wellbeing.

On with my life....... living up to my own ideals and principles!