just got off the phone with W. she called to ask when i told the landlord i wanted her to come back home. OUCH!!! i said "oh, yeah. i had said something to him when he was over right after you left when he was working in the basement (the truth). i then said that was before i had really gotten a chance to think about things. she said ok, she understood.
then she said that's not why she called. i asked what was up and she wanted to know if we could go out for dinner sunday when she comes over. i asked what time first, and she said late afternoon, and i said that would work and said that sounds pretty great.
she said she wanted to have a real conversation with me and said we haven't had one in a long time. i agreed with her 100% on that and said it sounds like fun. she said she'll pay for my meal and i laughed and said no way, i can take care of myself. she said what's wrong, you won't be my date? i laughed and said i'll be your date but i can still pay for myself. i then immediately told her to keep me updated and that i'd let her go. she said she would and mentioned she was happy about the dinner plans. i laughed and agreed. i then told her to call or txt me later. that was it.
lol. i'm happy, but a bit nervous. it's so weird because last nite i had thought about everything and realized if anything like this ever happened, i could never think of her as she was before. that old, codependent, often angry or hurt W that was confused about herself and everything. i have to look at her through new eyes. i can't see or think about what she was.
one other thing i did last nite was write her a letter that i never intend to give to her. it outlined how i truly felt, but laid out my boundaries and things i would do if we ever gave the R another chance. it really made me think about what i need to do to be a better person for myself. THEN i can give her unconditional but non-codependent love. that helped me so much in the way i think and now believe i have a better chance of acting on it. everything i said was with love, but it was firm and non-bending. that's the kind of person i need to be. and day by day it seems to be happening for me.
PDT, thank you and i agree 100%. no melted cheese man here. only a strong man who makes himself happy. i choose to share my happiness with my W, but she needs to take care of herself. this separation has been the best thing that ever happened to me.
W - I'm alive. I promise I can't come today. Can I come see you tomorrow?
JR - I'm glad u are ok. and no. u should have let me know u weren't coming today. that is rude and very inconsiderate. thats not something a "best friend" would do.
W - I'm sorry dear. i meant to. I'm at work. No? I can't come see you Monday?
JR - Meaning to and doing it are two completely different things. I'm angry with you >:(. If you were to come 2morrow, what time would it be?
W - way early angry pants round eight oclock
JR - Am or pm
W - Am dear
JR - Are you going to let me know when you are on your way?
W - Yes dear
JR - I'll see you around eight oclock then.
W - Thank you doll. Can I call you in 15?
JR - sure
W - Thank you
well i didn't know what to think. i was happy with myself for letting her know i was angry and wasn't going to just let her slide by without acknowledging it first. This is also the first time in our entire relationship that i've ever said anything like this to her. that i'm angry and told her what she did was rude and inconsiderate.
Anyways, she calls almost exactly 15 mins later (i was in shock). she asked how my weekend was and said pretty good. work was really good sat. small chit chat and such for about 2 mins then she says she has a doctors appointment tues. i asked how come and she said she has lumps on her ovaries, a lump on her arm that was super tiny before she left which has grown, and now she has one on her lower leg. i almost freaked out then asked what's going on? she didn't know and says she hasn't felt good since she left. she sorta jokingly said she was healthier when she was with me.
i asked some more questions as i was genuinely concerned. i brought up if she knew what pmdd was, (as this would explain alot about her behavior every month before her period, including this last time.) she says she's heard of it and i asked her to talk to her new doctor about it. we talked some more and then out of the blue she said she missed me. i said calmly and sincerely i miss you too. she told me she was miserable. she hasn't felt good for two weeks (the exact time she's been gone). she also said i'm the only one she's told (not exactly as she's going to her friends doctor so her friend must be aware too) about what's going on. i listened to her a little bit more then she had to get back to work (she really was at work as i could hear it in the background). i told her i'd be praying for her and she said "please do, i need it right now." she promised she would call me later and we ended the convo...
i'm really worried about my W. i know she's not happy there regardless of any update to her myspace status lol. her confessing to me she's miserable there is a big step for her and for me. i'm not going to tell her to come home or even bring it up yet tho. she said she missed me 3x during our 10 min talk, and i could really hear it in her voice.
this whole deal with lumps on her body has me worried. i told her if there's anything i could ever do don't ever hesitate to ask me. she laughed and said what could she ask? "re you going to heal me?" i jokingly said "i'm not Jesus so no i can't do that for you" she solemnly said "i wish you were." hmm.. didn't know how to respond to that one, but i just reiterated about if she ever needs anything.
Watching the phone records over the weekend, something weird has been going on. she didn't make one phone call saturday. that's completely out of character for her. besides one female friend, she didn't text anybody but me... i'm praying and GAL. but now i'm really worried about her, on a completely different level. she said her pain has been so bad the last couple days she could barely stand up and it's really interfering with her job...
this is starting to get difficult again.
one other thing, she's using some "pet names" she hasn't used since before she left.
JR, Too bad about the dinner, you handled it (text & phone) real well. Prayers for her health and for you.
thank you g.
i doubt PDT will agree, but i'm glad i handled it the way i did. it felt good to let her know i was angry, and i tried to do it in a non-threatening way i guess.
I also think you handled it well. You stood up for yourself and laid out a bit of a new boundary with her, and that's always good. Now, next time make it so that you can't do the next day simply because you're BUSY and MYSTERIOUS, not because you're angry, and you'll be doing even better. But all in all, I think that was a big step for you.
More importantly, I pray that your wife's health is okay.
Why are you allowing this child to jerk you around? Yeah, that's harsh, and I am wondering why you chose someone so young.
You admit that she is young and then went on to qualify this by saying she's already lived a hell of a life. So? Nowhere did I get the impression that in spite of her age, you feel she is mature. Are you one of those men who need to rescue the damsel in distress?
The problems she has are not your fault and are certainly not something that you can fix. Have you considered going pitch black? You don't have kids, she moved a hundred miles or more away from you, stands you up all the time, plays mind games, etc.
I think Puppy had the right idea. Kick her to the curb and find a woman who is ready for a mature, loving relationship.
I can't come today. Can I come see you tomorrow?