Thanks mlj for thinking of me......I am feeling very strange.....as if I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yesterday, he started holding the door open for me.....I have no idea what that is about. He ran a bunch of errands today while I studied and then ate a meal I cooked......I am so scared, I really wish he would just tell me. But, I am executing some real restraint.
Yesterday when my dad called and asked to speak to him.....he did not want the phone, but my dad ASKED for him....there was nothing I could do....it made me feel like he does not want to talk to my dad.......means....he has not changed his mind...he wants the D. But, who knows........then, later I asked him where he wants to sleep and he said on the bed.........well, that is confusing......of course nothing happened.....god forbid he initiate anything right now.......
I am just trying to get thru each day. A part of me thinks...this will be really bad......but, then he is actually nice but, then...........he has never been mean. One thing he did say so far is that "We were both naive when we got married. Dreamy." I know that.......but, isn't everyone when they get married and then LIFE hits you and you ADAPT! I agreed, validated and didn't say anything else.
I know this is going to sound desperate....but, I am trying really hard NOT to be. He is doing a lot of things for me....and it is making me nervous. Why are men so unpredictable? Just COMMUNICATE man!
Ok. will check in later. I need to just be in my happy place! If he goes and never returns, I will be ok......NO, I will be more than ok......so, then why is does it feel like I am not the brink of tears! I wanted to kiss him today........I was looking at him.......and what I thought was.....doesn't he want to kiss me? I know. I know. He does not! He wants to D me! I will keep saying that to myself....and just pray that I make it to Thursday morning with some level of dignity!
