Divorce looming #14

[25yearsmlc]

I am posting this one on my old and new thread.

I agree I am not going to get full coverage on an 11 year old car.

Yes I did read through the detachment link that FaithfulH gave me and I am going to read through it again.

Yesterday me and my girls ended up going to the Forth Worth Zoo instead of the other thing because they didn't want to be in the car that long. So we had a great time at the zoo. At one point I got the girls each a stick with feed on it so they could feed the birds in a section. Each one managed to get a bird on their stick eating and wanted me to take a picture and send it to their mom. So I did. We ate dinner after we left.

During the drive to the zoo D7 asks me why mommy wants to D me. I did say that is a question for her mommy. She then said it makes hers and D11's lives so much harder. This tore me up inside. I talked to FaithfulH about it breifly and he steered me in the right direction. Say nothing to W and focus on being the best dad I can and let W see it and not hear about it. So I did as he said. This is significant on down in this post towards the end of mine and W's conversation.

I was pretty warn out from the sun and walk and not sleeping much the night before. So I fell asleep early last night. We ate lunch/dinner about 4 pm and I had stuffed their guts. Then later I gave D7 a snack of carrots and ranch dressing. Anyways about 10:30 D11 calls her mom because I am sleeping and didn't pop out of bed right away and she says she is hungry. So W calls me and says whats up. I said D11 has plenty of things that she knows how to make to eat. I have stocked it full of stuff that she can make to eat. At most I figured she needed a snack after stuffing their guts earlier. So D11 made herself something and ate and D7 had a sandwich. I got up to check on them and then they went to bed.

Ok, this morning... MAJOR BREAK THROUGH??? First time in 9 months of a compliment from W??? Keep in mind that I had already told W that lets not spend fathers day together this year and that we could look at it in the future and that I believe God is working on teaching me unconditional love. If you remember, she was unphased which is fine, but it was supposed to be more for me to start detaching and truly giving her space and time.

10 am this morning W starts IMing me.

W: Happy Fathers Day
W: I hope you and the girls have a good day
K4D: Thank you
W: you're welcome
W: and i wasn't mad at you last night. i was frustrated at the situation.
K4D: Yes. I'm sorry
W: things happen. it's fine.
W: we just need to teach them what to do in those situations
K4D: They had woken me
K4D: I just hadn't jumped up
W: brats
W:
K4D: I just now woke up if that tells you how tired I was
W: yup
W: im still recuperating from friday night myself
K4D: If I couldn't wake up, I would not have answered the phone when you called
W: didn't sleep well... fell while we were out partying. skinned my knee pretty bad.
W: you didn't answer.... D7 did.
K4D: Ok. Well I still talked to you
W: yup
K4D: And I heard the phone ring
W: alright.... gotta get ready to go. i hope you three do something fun today.
K4D: Fun was yesterday
K4D: Today is laundry and packing
K4D: Probably a bite to eat
W: oh i see
W: ok
W: so... guess what i got papa for father's day
K4D: Don't know
W: i finally... after 12 years found the perfect gift for him
K4D: Ok
W: 2 conspiracy theory books: 100 coverups is one and the other is the encyclopedia of conspiracies and conspiracy theories
W:
K4D: Lol
W: perfect, right!?!?!
K4D: You are right
W: i can't wait to give them to him!
K4D: Couldn't be better
W: thanks. i've been cracking up about them since i saw them
K4D: I'm sure he will love them
W: yeah. me too.
K4D: Just be prepared for more talking
W: well... i've gotta get ready to go. we're going to the SAME darn place we've been to a few times now
K4D: Ok
W: oh yeah... i already warned mom and everyone else that papa's really going to talk our ears off about this stuff now
K4D: Enjoy
W: talk to you later then!
W: hey....
K4D: Yes?
W: we'll be done with everything pretty early today. wanna grill some steaks out tonight? i dont like the idea of you not getting a father's day meal or something
K4D: Ok. What time?
W: 6?
K4D: Ok. Sounds good
W: alright. good. you are a good dad, Kevin. and you deserve it
K4D: Thanks. I'm working hard at it
W: i can tell. we can talk about what steaks and stuff later.
W: bye!
K4D: Bye

All I can say is praise God. To him I give all the glory and will continue to do so. Also, I had a dream last night that me and W were getting back together. I don't know when. But at some point. In the dream we were hanging out somewhere and we were talking and having a good time. And at some point I remember saying so does this mean we are back together? And she said yes it does.

That dream gave me hope this morning.

I have to just keep working on myself and being patient as well as trying to detach.

Kevin

Yes Kevin you do have to work on yourself and be patient and re-read the Detachment section. She gave you a compliment on Father's Day and that was a nice comment. That is all it was Kevin. It MIGHT be a start. But she also mentioned to you how her birthday without you went for her, pretty wild I guess. Can you again read the detachment section as the only thing that seems to get you anywhere is following that, and the advice to GO SLOW, that you get - but rarely follow??

I posted on your new thread too, pretty much the same stuff. Just don't rush in every time she says a nice thing. Be happy she noticed something. Good.

So if you decide to accept her invite, (which you already did---remember you just read "Detachment"...and when it began to work, forgot it??), then leave after dessert and don't hang around waiting for her to want you to leave. Avoid any awkwardness and don't "need" more compliments from her or salivate when you get one. Just enjoy the day and the gesture she is making. And b/c you are GAL, you have to leave when it's done. (And call your dad too!...I would call mine but he's gone now. )

I'm glad you are having a good Father's Day. Let it be the start of the new Kevin who doesn't repeat the same mistakes and shows this, by detaching...even when your impatience tries to tempt you from staying on course. You are right when you say that impatience is your enemy. Don't give in to it. Stay on track.
And btw, Happy Father's Day!! It is a good day. Let it be.
j-