FIB, I do try not to speak badly of others (except my exH); but, your wife just amazes me! I cannot put into words how angry her behavior makes me!
As the others have stated, please do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children. Your wife will stop at nothing to cause you as much harm as she possibly can.
And, I would definitely push my lawyer to move things along as quickly as possible. I know every state has different laws; but, this is just ridiculous.
Thanks for your support. My family is in pain. No matter how hard I try to keep to myself and allow us to live separate lives....it doesn't happen. This is not me as a man.Under siege. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
This IS about you as a man. A man under siege. A man being tested.
You will do fine. She will not.
Remember that, celebrate that.
She is destroying herself - you are growing. And growing is hard stuff.
But you are up to the task. Chin up...
I am off on vacation with my kids starting tomorrow for a week. I only say that b/c that is what you are fighting for. YOU get to decide about vacation. YOU get to do what YOU want. YOU get the one on one time. She is not part of the equation - no second guessing - no court - all guaranteed by law.
THAT is what you are fighting for. THAT is why you must stay the course.
Sorry I missed your call. I'm working with our Tech guy this summer and I was installing a system I guess when you called.
You are indeed caught in a whirlwind.
What does one do in such a situation?
You find something solid to latch on to Frank. You rely on your strength, your wits, your fortitude to outlast the whirlwind. You know that the whirlwind does not last forever and, in time, the calm will return.
Everyone here knows that you are not driving this legal process back and forth with your wife. We know that this is NOT the kind of man you would choose to be.
I look at you and your situation and realize that you are facing one of the most viscious onslaughts I can recall from a live-in spouse, particularly as regards her willingness to both use the children as pawns and ignore the pain she is bringing to them.
You can't stop the whirlwind Frank. It's a force of nature. You find a way to make it through, to protect your loved ones in the process. Desperate times sometimes require desperate measures. You certainly do NOT need to fear that any here stand pointing fingers at you for having to participate in her destructive games.
Guard yourself. Speak the truth. Shield your children, but remember that you can only shield them from so much. Know then that your love and nurturing of them in the future will heal any wounds that come their way from this mess.
She does NOT get to win Frank. Whatever you have to do to continually keep the table tilted in your favor, you must do. If she falses files against you, then you may need to counterfile against her. If you must endure the indignity of having people come in to your home to ensure your children are safe and well cared for, be glad that such an entity exists. While they are not needed for your children, they are likely needed for others.
Think of all of those who have faced great adversity and emerged changed for the better, who emerged stronger for having weathered their storms with dignity and honor. Those words we write at the end of so many posts are not some empty motto. They are what we strive for.
They are what so many of us have seen in you over and over again.
And they are your answer through this hell.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Bworl, so well said. Frank, you are going to get through this - you are. It will have an end. I think it will help if you stop trying to figure out why she is doing and saying the things she is and stop being surprised by them. She is lost.
You are in the eye of the tornado. Find shelter, dig in your heels and stand strong.
Do not engage at all, do not go back and forth with texts, live your life, protect your children as best you can, be the FIB we all admire and to hell with her.
Sweetie, I cannot imagine what you are going through. But I do know without a doubt that you are going to be ok. Your children will have suffered, and I know that is what is hardest to take.
But, you are their father. They are so far ahead than a lot of children because of that. I know that you will do what you must to help them heal.
As always, you and your children are in my prayers and so is your wife that she may find her way and become the mother she should be.
Anytime you want to get that cup of coffee, let me know.
Amen to Bill/Bworl's comments. I know what Jeff means, I think. But I disagree in part. When she mentioned you sleeping with your son, that's a Scud missile with a warhead attached, and needs to be attacked with 100 Patriot missiles and (to mix metaphors again,) you need to drive a stake through the vampire's heart so this crap never comes up again.
She launched a nuclear weapon and that must NOT LAND ANYWHERE NEAR YOU....that must be addressed and if you can at least get all the truth to the court & I mean ALL the truth about her, he'll get that she is unstable --then you can partly negate her vicious slander. Some of her rockets are going to misfire and she'll be in her own blast zone...that happens too.
Let me tell all you men out there, once upon a time I practiced criminal defense. I defended many sex abusers when I was a defense attorney, and though almost all of them were indeed guilty, I had some truly innocent clients, some of whom REMAIN in jail...all convicted by ex-wives. I have seen it with my own eyes. It haunts me. Don't think for a minute that an unstable miserable woman won't do anything she can to destroy you as that is her goal. Sometimes they'll back off when they realize that ruining you also ruins their financial future, but I doubt she's capable of seeing clearly that breaking you, breaks her dinner plate too. She's too off now. You must protect yourself and you can do it honorably.
I am not saying to get dirty. I am saying you must DENY any wrongdoing (i.e., don't let it go unanswered, but try to go through your L) that relates to the kids and document her "weirdness" and anger, and I'm thrilled that the satan comment is something the judge will get to read...it speaks volumes but again, don't take anything for granted here. Obviously be very circumspect about sleeping arrangements. No camping trips without other adults now and I KNOW That sounds gross but it's only for a few months. Sometimes it's okay to be paranoid b/c she has given you plenty to worry about. Interesting that she's terrified you taped her. So what? Why does that concern her? (Oh wait, now I remember. B/C she's a nut and it shows!) If you are not taping her I wish you would.
Also, you should know an example that I had of child protective services not doing their jobs well... One client was a surgeon who was investigated for abuse b/c he shoved his 16 y/o "child"--who was attacking his invalid brain tumor wife--against the wall. The social services said it was "substantiated" but no charges were filed since there was not enough proof for a conviction. When he went to get his med license in a new state, a few years later, the med board denied it....for "domestic violence".
So then he hired me to "un-do" the original finding in another state, and that was a nightmare....a very expensive labor intensive nightmare that required a lot of travel to my not so favorite state, Alaska....anyhow...sorry to say all these scary things to you but I thought you and some other men (and maybe women) out there who are in a similar sitch should know. Like I said, most of my abuse clients WERE Guilty...but ALL of my innocent clients were men convicted and with NO no physical evidence, and all "witness" testimony from their stbxw's or ex w's and mil's.... Like I said, it haunts me.
I have also seen women go over the deep end with the accusations and were it not for alibi witnesses I had, who knows? But when they went off the deep end the court woke up and realized what a colossal painful waste of time all of it was. And they were often punished & given zero unsupervised visits, and that really would be my goal as your L given your w's behavior which I DO think is an emotionally harmful threat to your kids. What does your L say about all of that? I know she originally said "no way" but now, with THIS stuff happening does she get that you are under siege and all weapons have been launched by your stbxw and you need shields up AND rockets firing back? (Sorry, maybe I am way off here, as I used to like trial work and so, I did "go in for the kill mode" when someone attacked a client as you have been.)
Forgive me if I just ruined your day b/c it is my intent to help you. And I don't know how else to best support you. So I'm giving you all the info I know...hope it helps to protect you while not clouding your view on what blessings you do have.
You have friends who care, you have children & family who love you, you have a profession and purpose in life that matters, you will survive this, you are hurting but you are not mentally ill so yes, you have your health and in cases like these, we can all see how very much that matters. You are a good man who has conducted himself with strength and honor and in a way, we knew she might go this low. So this is the supreme test. Keep passing it with flying colors as you are in the last, hardest lap now.
We are with you. As ironic as this sounds, I mean it when I say, "Happy Father's Day", Frank. You are a very good dad and everyone healthy in your life knows it. Be proud of that. Be grateful. Be careful. ((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
