Well, today was hard emotionally. I realised that I had deadened my emotions all day and then when he left it just flooded over me I spent the first hour after he left so depressed and then I got up and tidied the house for an hour and I feel a little better.
Yesterday, I went out as I said I would. I debated about staying in as we don't get a lot of opportunity to spend time together but I didn't want to be hanging round him or a spare part. I felt depressed in the morning so I set a strategy for Sunday and how I was going to achieve that and I felt much more positive. It helped to lower my expectations. I left him his post and a doughnut for packing purposes . He only stayed a couple of hours and filled up his car. He sent me a nice text about Maple. He isn't doing things the way I would have done it; he is literally taking it all and not sorting it first even though he doesn't seem to want most of it? Still, not my problem I kept my mouth shut and made no 'suggestions' .
Today he arrived at 9am letting me know 15 mins before he got here. When he got there I had a bacon sandwich cooking which he was really glad of, I made it exactly like he likes it. He had brought some diet cokes for both of us. He spent a while playing with the cat who is finally acknowledging him now and he also spent time with her yesterday - he loves her just as much as ever! And we spoke of how he'd be able to visit her in the future as I'd be in London and he looked really pleased at that. Then we got started with the house. I let him get on with it and started taking down shelves that were going into storage. He then loaded up the van with my stuff to take to my sisters.
We drove up there which took just over an hour. The journey was fine. I was expecting silences but he chatted all the way there. We talked about his illness a little and finally, after 18 months! I was able to impart a little of the research I had done and he was finally interested in hearing it and pleased. He is also really interested in going to see the doctor at my work who is an expert in nutrition etc. so that is great. He is also keen for me to meet with his Dad about my work project. His Dad would be so amazingly helpful with it so that is great! We unloaded the stuff, he sent a text to someone, and we came back again. We stopped off for a meal on the way back and listened to our favourite radio programme which we used to listen to every Sunday and sung along in the car. I noticed that it seemed like he couldn't wait to get out of the house both when he arrived and when we got back.
We had some interesting conversations, particularly about his work friends (reminder here of why he left me - 'Your priority is you and mine is my new work and new friends' although he can't remember saying this now I don't think). Oh, they sound like such a bunch of idiots! I had to hold my tongue! They all have partners/ wives/ husbands at home and all have affairs with each other. I cannot wait until he is out of that environment with his new job and all. He does seem settled in the idea of how things are at the moment with him and me and him and his new life but isn't quite there with his new life yet. I wonder if it'll be all he wants once he has it.
I felt a little numb all day but I was friendly, not amazingly upbeat but fine. In fact I would describe the whole day as fine and that was what it was. It felt flat, but maybe that was just me feeling flat I don't know. Non-descript. I suppose no drama, but I guess that is good? It was nice to spend time with him though, I did enjoy that and I think he did to, in fact I know he did, it is just the tasks we had to perform weren't that great.
Well, I achieved my goal of him moving me though as he is hiring a van on the 12th to move me into my new place and also to get the rest of his stuff. He did say thank you for all the work I had put into packing and sorting etc a couple of times and sorry he hadn't helped more. I said 'it's ok, you didn't know I was doing it' with a smile on my face. I think he is just realising how much work it is and that is why he is helping me more. Maybe he had to see it to realise.
Oh, his sister didn't turn up. She went shopping instead. But her boyfriend came up and I totally won him over by just being me I think that in the past there were things that I did, faults or negative aspects to me that people (his family and friends) probably could have focused on a lot and I want to blow all those things away so that was a good first step.
. He only stayed a couple of hours and filled up his car. He sent me a nice text about Maple. He isn't doing things the way I would have done it; he is literally taking it all and not sorting it first even though he doesn't seem to want most of it? Still, not my problem I kept my mouth shut and made no 'suggestions' 