Agh! He's detached completely!

[IWillSaveOurMarr]

Just checking in....same old same old, spouse still wants to do this "code of silence" thing, which is getting very old. Plus, I have asked him now twice to please go to the "Getting the Love you Want"/Imago therapy workshop, only 48 hours of his time, compared to the hours and hours I've spent not talking to him because that's what he wants...I think it's a fair trade, but he hasn't gotten back to me after my 2nd request for him to please go, which is where I pulled out the "tit for tat" idea. If he doesn't go, I am certainly abandoning this silence stuff, because it's ridiculous. Will I do the DR, sure, but I'm not staying quiet just to keep him happy when he can't even go to this one lousey workshop with me!

I met with gizmo, a kind of ex bf and my attorney, and it was kind of weird. First of all, he was totally unprofessionally dressed and had a 5 day stubble going. I cried for probably 1/2 of our time together when he was asking questions. I've made it very clear that I want to reconcile with my H, because that is what I want right now. At the end, he asked for a hug, and it was very nice, but it did not morph into a kiss, but I was more than happy wiht the hug.

I have somewhat changed my opinion of my relationship lately though...while I do want to reconcile and try a few months more, with both of us actively trying, I realize I can no longer think of this marriage long term, nor do I want to, because I'm not sure I WANT HIM for the rest of my life. All I know for certain is that it is way too soon to be ending it, and I would like more closure by having a bit more time to try to work things through. I tried to explain this to one of my loyal supporters, who thinks I should run for the hills away from this man, and he kind of got it, but still shakes his head in disbelief taht I'd want to be married to this "loser" in his words.