OM a threat or just a friend? WAWs got an answer?

[Mr GK]

I can't figure out if my wife's friend is a romantic partner or just a friend. She admitted to me that they once did get physical. That killed me!
We live in separate states and she did not know hardly anyone.
He has been a friend to her and her sister and their several children.
She seems to regret the infidelity, and I do not rub that in her face. But Is he a threat or could a WAW just have a guy friend?
Maybe she is waiting to see if i continue to grow up, and then maybe after a time of proving myself, GAL, and maturing, maybe she would want me back.

What do other WAWs think?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

If they once got physical, he is not only a threat -- he is a PREDATOR.

Steer clear!

Puppy

[Mr GK]

Yeah, what do I do? He met my wife online last yeat when I was neglectful to her.
She was lonely. She met some others online too. Some were good ladies and men, but some were men up to no good.
Some broke her heart, because they gave her attention and moved on to others.
Some were more sexual, and wanted to go that route online, and one time she admitted that she let guy tell her sexual things and as she listened she got to liking it.
she was more of the passive participant, but her body liked it.

ANyway, she put that behind her except for meeting this new guy.
He gave her attention. They talked on the phone, once for 3 hours. She said that he is just a friend. Actually he seemed to talk the most.

Well, after my wife decided to move up out of state, over 3 hours away, she decided to stay there with her sister, and her sister's 5 kids.
Shortly thereafter, he moved up there. He was going to move to california. He lived on the east coast. He now is friends with my wife and kids, and her sister and her sister's kids.
He has spent the weekend at my wife's family farm with her dad.
He has even visited my wife's grandparents.
Now that my wife's grandfather is in a long term care facility, her grandma is having a big garage sale.
My wife is going up there to help with that, and my wife's grandmother invited this other guy to come help.
He has worked his way into my wife's family's wife.
Yet he is just a good friend....who slept with my wife!

And the funny thing is that my wife and I are on good terms. We get along well. We just got LS. but we get along well.
She knows that I don't like him there. She likes that I am growing up and dealing with my problems. If the OM was not around, things might be easier.

Is he a predator?
What to do, besides, trying to be more attractive to my wife than him?

Is he just being a fake?
Will he hurt her too?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

He's certainly not a man of character, I'll tell you that.

[DCBHM]

My personal opinion reading your situation is that you need more respect for yourself if you want your W to respect you.

[Mr GK]

I think I am doing better about GAL, and maturing.
I was a little suckerpunched this week when I saw OM.
So maybe, I am a bit down now.

But I really try to be strong and healthy around my W.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

What would represent a real "180" for you?

[Mr GK]

yes, I agree, that he lacks character.
Maybe, through all this, my character will continue to grow, as it has already.

I think my wife sees that, but is [b]closely[/b] watching me. Maybe hoping that she can feel safe around me again in the future. She really does watch me close, my words, my actions, my expressions. That might be a good thing...

[Mr GK]

180s for me are being more decisive, way less procrastinating,
more take charge, more of a leader (except for now where she not want me to lead her), less critical, more respectful of her opinions. more involved in my 4 kids lives.

when i am with her, I usually devote time when she wants to talk, to just put my focus on her. Look into her eyes, and reflect back what she says, and sympathize with her where appropriate.

I think those things really help...and I am doing much of that.
She has complimented me on my changes. So that is good.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

That IS good!