It's Complicated! Part 6

[job]

Glam,
I have to say he's "inching" along quite nicely. Reconnecting with the neighborhood men? That's a good start.

The Jed Diamond book is excellent. You might want to preview it on line before purchasing. I read it a long time ago and he's right on the money!

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Sounds good that your H is reconnecting with your neighbours. Hopefully, he will continue on this parth.

Have a lovely rest of the week. (((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Well not a good day yesterday. H said he would be over around 2 or 3. Well I don't have to tell you he didn't show during that time. We had plans to get a sitter for 5pm since h and I had to go to a graduation ceremony that my h had to be a part of.

I got dressed up on my own. I kept thinking how tired I am of this whole charade. Finally 5:30 rolls by and I decide to take the kids to the sitter and run a few errands and wait for h to call. Mind you I don't want to be the one following up with h and asking where he is. Remember trying to just go on with my life.

H finally shows up at 6pm livid that I am not at the house since we have to be at the graduation event that starts at 7pm. Now I am only a few min away getting some cash for the evening and picking up some allergy medicine. I told h I was trying to be productive while I waited for him to arrive. He didn't appreciate that I didn't just wait for him or call him if I changed plans.

Now this is the same guy that could give a rats a$$ if he calls me when he changes his plans and that is often. I just can't stand his poor behavior and his lack of caring when it comes to anything. Of course, the answer is always the same, I just woke up. It's as if he doesn't even try to stick with a schedule or anything.

So I drove home like he asked and all the way to the event he chewed me out. He even spun the car around and said he wasn't taking me. I said that's fine h, could you just drop me off and I can walk to the house which was only a block away. I don't want to be embarrassed in front of the neighbors or kids. Then he turned the car around and we headed to the event. It's not like he was pissed or anything.

Half way to the event I said h can we just drop this now and he said NO. I then said let's talk about you not being where you said at the time you were expected. He said I called. True, he did call and leave a message, I didn't know at the time since I didn't check my phone. I said when are you going to make changes for your life. He said 10 years from now. Oh ok.

So as you can see this evening did not go well. We made it to the event with 13 min to spare. I am sure h was all frazzled. I sat in the back while h joined the event that he was required to fullfill. It was nice to see my h, but I am loosing interest fast.

It feels like he is just a boyfriend, but not a good one at that. At least with a real boyfriend, maybe he could spend the night on occassion, enjoy some late night convos, treat me with respect. Get the picture here?

He also mentioned that our anniversary is coming up in August and what should we do. A part of me doesn't really care. What am I celebrating anyway. Another year of separation. I am floored that my h is really interested in acknowledging our anniversary. Does he not get that what is the point of celebrating if we aren't together.

Now maybe I have a distorted view, but come on now what is really going to change with my h? I don't see anything is going to change until my h stands up and says I have had enough of this life and I want my family back and I want to be the man of the house and the provider for my family. Not so sure that is what my h wants. If that is NOT what he wants, then what am I waiting for?

Upside if you read this post, could you weigh in? I know your h has been gone for about the same amount of time. Do you celebrate your anniversary? If so, how do you feel about that? Maybe I need a new perspective. Thanks for listening.

[glamgirl]

I should note too that h did call after he left for the evening and apologized for chewing me out. We were able to laugh a little. Doesn't excuse his lateness, but at least he recognizes he was in the wrong for jumping all over me.

At the end of the convo he said he might be over on Saturday afternoon. I just said see you on Sunday. Not going to hang onto the might be over. I know what that means. That's means I am going to sleep my saturday away.

I do wish he would suprise me now and then. Like coming over on a saturday by 10am. He is so predictable, it's boring.

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, (((((Glam))))).

I have often wondered about if your H is "cake eating", or will he ever really understand the strength (both mentally and emotionally) you have shown him in the past three years, or will he see it as weakness that you continued to give him your love and support through all his sh*t!?? Will he really come to respect you for it as you so richly deserve?

I am by no means in a position to give advice, because look where my sitch is! I am certainly no expert at anything! My H is still in his dark hole a year and a half after the bomb, with no signs of even a possibility of change, at least not for me. Your H still goes to MC, and comes around the house, and lots of other things I envy in your sitch.

But, then I think of yellowroses journey, and her H did much the same thing your H is doing and now he is home and they are happy and everything is wonderful!

So, I guess, all I'm saying is to keep following your heart day by day, and allow destiny to reveal itself as it will.

You are a great lady and deserve to be loved as such. And I have no doubt that you will.

Take care!

[job]

Glam,
I have to say you are a far more patient than I would have been w/him, i.e. listening to him ranting on the way to the graduation. I most likely would have called him on it and then advised him to drop me off and I would drive separately to the graduation....he's been at this long enough to not go off on you like that every time something doesn't go his way.

I can't even believe that he wants to celebrate your anniversary. That's so crazy, especially when you two have been separated. Talk about being out to lunch. So, what are you going to do? Go out and celebrate or just leave it alone and hope the idea goes away?

I wouldn't even call him a boy friend at this time. He's more like an escort that comes over and then disappears again until another weekend rolls around. Sometimes, I think you need to change your schedule a bit and shake him up. He knows you very well and he knows what you will always be there for him. Glam, it's time to do some 180s and shake up his world a little bit.

I'm very sorry about how things were prior to the graduation. I do hope you had a better Saturday.