It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Hey, Y'all!

Well, I am feeling pretty good today. No reply to my last e-mail to H, but I didn't really expect one.

I have often wondered recently if "standing" is really a choice. I mean of course we choose our actions. We could all go out and be sleeping around and/or trying to find a new partner. But I mean emotionally/mentally. I have always said if I could turn off these feelings with a switch I would. But then that brings me back to thinking how my H feels, and wondering if it's right of me to want him to choose to come back to me even if his heart is not in it.

It comes down to core beliefs I guess, and what I want to show my children and what I am going to wish I had done when I am on my deathbed (hopefully a long long way down the road). Each step in this letting go process is excruciating and hurts more than I ever thought I could hurt and still be alive! But I am content that I have done all I can do and I have let him go with love. I have kept my honor and prinicples (in spite of the multiple emotional meltdowns along the way) and I am proud of that. It is who I want to be. I have been honest with my H and he knows how I feel and where I stand. That is all I can do.

I know without doubt that I will love my H forever. I don't really know if I will find another love in the future, but I am open to that, although I am not actively looking for it.

I am really OK........I hope this feeling lasts!!

I'm thinking about going out dancing and to a casino with some friends tonight...