It's Complicated! Part 6

[glamgirl]

Well not a good day yesterday. H said he would be over around 2 or 3. Well I don't have to tell you he didn't show during that time. We had plans to get a sitter for 5pm since h and I had to go to a graduation ceremony that my h had to be a part of.

I got dressed up on my own. I kept thinking how tired I am of this whole charade. Finally 5:30 rolls by and I decide to take the kids to the sitter and run a few errands and wait for h to call. Mind you I don't want to be the one following up with h and asking where he is. Remember trying to just go on with my life.

H finally shows up at 6pm livid that I am not at the house since we have to be at the graduation event that starts at 7pm. Now I am only a few min away getting some cash for the evening and picking up some allergy medicine. I told h I was trying to be productive while I waited for him to arrive. He didn't appreciate that I didn't just wait for him or call him if I changed plans.

Now this is the same guy that could give a rats a$$ if he calls me when he changes his plans and that is often. I just can't stand his poor behavior and his lack of caring when it comes to anything. Of course, the answer is always the same, I just woke up. It's as if he doesn't even try to stick with a schedule or anything.

So I drove home like he asked and all the way to the event he chewed me out. He even spun the car around and said he wasn't taking me. I said that's fine h, could you just drop me off and I can walk to the house which was only a block away. I don't want to be embarrassed in front of the neighbors or kids. Then he turned the car around and we headed to the event. It's not like he was pissed or anything.

Half way to the event I said h can we just drop this now and he said NO. I then said let's talk about you not being where you said at the time you were expected. He said I called. True, he did call and leave a message, I didn't know at the time since I didn't check my phone. I said when are you going to make changes for your life. He said 10 years from now. Oh ok.

So as you can see this evening did not go well. We made it to the event with 13 min to spare. I am sure h was all frazzled. I sat in the back while h joined the event that he was required to fullfill. It was nice to see my h, but I am loosing interest fast.

It feels like he is just a boyfriend, but not a good one at that. At least with a real boyfriend, maybe he could spend the night on occassion, enjoy some late night convos, treat me with respect. Get the picture here?

He also mentioned that our anniversary is coming up in August and what should we do. A part of me doesn't really care. What am I celebrating anyway. Another year of separation. I am floored that my h is really interested in acknowledging our anniversary. Does he not get that what is the point of celebrating if we aren't together.

Now maybe I have a distorted view, but come on now what is really going to change with my h? I don't see anything is going to change until my h stands up and says I have had enough of this life and I want my family back and I want to be the man of the house and the provider for my family. Not so sure that is what my h wants. If that is NOT what he wants, then what am I waiting for?

Upside if you read this post, could you weigh in? I know your h has been gone for about the same amount of time. Do you celebrate your anniversary? If so, how do you feel about that? Maybe I need a new perspective. Thanks for listening.