So I'm walking back to my office downtown and I see this smartly-dressed woman with nice heels, navy blue suit, carting one of those black legal cases on wheels. Hmm...she's kinda cute. Smile. "Hi."
Out of nowhere the rest of my suddenly brain catches up and delivers a thumping 2x4. Ooww! What the..?! No OrangeDog! Not ANOTHER redheaded lawyer! No! Bad dog! Go sit in the corner.
A lesson is repeated until it's learned.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Find out whether I should still go on that trip or not.
Dollar'll get you a donut you already know the answer.
mmm...those donuts aren't very obvious to me yet. My gut says I wouldn't mind going with the my kids and seeing the extended family...but not the wife right now. Maybe I'm still missing something.
(@future had a similar dilemma on his thread.)
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Smiley, how did I know you were getting divorced from a redheaded lawyer?
--
Came to realization today that the Spiers' Doctrine is one of those 'easier said than done' things. Acceptance doesn't come all at once but in stages.
Prior to moving out I still had a lot of hopes and expectations. Yes, I knew I was moving out, separating finances, kid agreements, etc. However I still placed a lot of hope on those little friend things such as "glass of wine and a movie" and the quiet times we shared. I didn't detach as much as I needed to.
As much as things warmed up, the one thing that still never happened was a "Let's try to work on things" statement from her. Maybe it was too soon. It was still full speed ahead for separation, BFF moving in, w saying she might want to date others, and possible D in future. Getting ALL my stuff moved out was another sign.
The warmth clouded my perception. While I enjoyed it, it kept me from fulling accepting I was "already dead" as Lt. Spiers would say. As that reality sinks in, I'm feeling it more. I'm letting go and mourning what I've lost. I don't think the Black Dog is visiting - these are true feelings of loss. They're supposed to happen.
I'm also clearing my mind and getting a better picture of what we had, what I miss, and what I don't miss. Right now the R is very empty. Non-existent.
If there will be a future R with her again then it has to start from square one. Many things will need to change. And it won't start with me.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I should also mention, I'm not perfect. I think there's a little anger in my quiet. The rejection carries some sting and I feel I'm somewhat reacting back.
I know it's there. I'm trying to tease it out of the whole collection of emotions. I'm trying to deal with it. It's my work.
--
"S/he abused me, S/he beat me, S/he defeated me, S/he robbed me,'' in those who harbor such thoughts hatred (suffering) never ceases.
"S/he abused me, S/he beat me, S/he defeated me, S/he robbed me,'' in those who do not harbor such thoughts hatred (suffering) ceases."
Buddha The Dhammapada Ch 1. Twin Verses
Last edited by orangedog; 06/19/0906:58 PM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Today sucked. So depressed. So tired. I've got plans with kids all weekend but still feel alone.
Had to pick up some stuff at her house. Didn't like being there . D jokes how its not moms house anymore but bff's . Not funny but true.
Next week talk w aty about revising ch13.
Last edited by orangedog; 06/20/0907:35 AM.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Still hurtin' bad today. Not really fair to kids but I'm trying to stay in the moment and make the best of our time.
Sent simple text to W to ask question about kid switch time and she called me back and jumped down my throat. I cut convo off. I won't stand for it.
I feel like no matter how far away I get, it still isn't far enough.
So much stuff is stacking up emotionally right now.
I seriously don't want to go on that trip.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Yesterday ended tough. Woke up better. Got back from camping trip w kids and w had left message. Sorry for confusion, we haven't been talking enough, let's meet for lunch.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
