He met up with us halfway through the karate lesson. Sydney was being a handful. I scolded her for something and he grabbed her and took her outside. Then they came back in. A bit later she was pushing limits again so I took her outside...
After karate we went to dinner. I knew, knew, knew I should let him take them without me. Not making that mistake again.
We went to dinner at an asian-style place where you pick the meat and noodles and veggies and they cook it in front of you on a big grill. Sydney got chicken strips and was wanting to just eat our rice and no meat. I took the rice from her until she ate chicken...so she did. Then she was eating the ketchup without any meat so I took it away. Well Dan meanwhile was scolding nathan for eating his noodles with his fingers. The third time he scolded him he looked across the table at me and said under his breath, "I hate coming back from a trip and having to be the bad guy"...
Anyway he shut down for the rest of dinner. Sydney and I left shortly after...apparently he felt that the consequences I was giving Sydney weren't tough enough. He actually said he was going to have to 'stop traveling' so he could be home to discipline... (Of course later when we did the schedule he is traveling 13 days out of 31 in July.)
So I got Sydney home and Dan and Nathan came in. I was getting up to go do something out of the house for awhile. I mentioned that the kids were planning to have him for breakfast before church on father's day. I had emailed him this on Wednesday, too. And gotten the groceries for the casserole and monkey bread (cinnamon pull-apart bread) already. He just said, "No. I will come and take them out for breakfast (just him and kids)". Again, once we did the schedule he changed it to meeting up at church (I won't stop going to church so we will both be there), and then he has them the rest of the day on his own.
I am just so sick and tired of him calling me a bad mom, basically. I haven't been a real tough disciplinarian, esp with the bomb and fallout I know I was more lenient and just trying to make it through the day some days. And I still have a higher tolerance for some of the noise/commotion than he does. But for him to be home one hour after being gone all week, and decide he shouldn't have to discipline the kids??? Grr
I am going to meet the lawyer this week. He mentioned that he still wanted to meet with the pastor but he said he didnt think it was going to change anything with us. Well maybe at least it will help him to not be such a crabby miserable man.
So, since I am meeting the lawyer this week, and since dumass still gets his mail sent here, I opened his bank statement. Guess what? The night he was MIA going to northern missouri to deliver embryos, he took out $600 at an ATM in Kansas City. Near one of the malls....the mall he told me OW had an apartment near. This came up last year, bc he told me where he was looking for a place back then, I asked if it was by her, he said no, she lives over by "xyz" mall...
Kansas City is a couple HOURS out of the way from where he allegedly was taking embryos...
Also I saw a direct deposit from his company. He told me a couple months ago he was getting a raise. He did. Now his take home pay is ridiculous! He is paying me 27% of his take-home per month right now. So I am living with two kids on 3K/mo and he has 8K to play with???
Question is, do I let him know what I know?? I can reseal the bank statement very easily...
Also he put a 10K deposit down on a manure spreader (farm equipment, function is self-explanatory)...a 'past due' notice came here the other day that he was late on a payment. Still owes another 10K on it. Plus the truck payment, tractor payment, home improvement store credit card payment....his debt is growing and technically it is mine too since we are still married, right???
I'm not sure it would be useful to tell him what you know. I have a feeling that he would find some way to turn it around, and make it your fault. It will be your fault that you opened the statement... how could you!
But don't forget what you know, you never know when it might be useful. As far as who the debt belongs to, it may well depend on the state. Here in AZ, it would be community debt, but in a non-community property state, that might not be so true. You need to talk to that lawyer!
Sealed up the bank statement, but not before making photocopies of the page with the atm in k.c. and the one with the direct deposit info...
I also called and left a message for my attorney. Told Dan he had to split the retainer with me but now I think I will have the lawyer bill him for the whole thing...
Understandable anger and frustration on your part. Dan is jerking you around and getting everything he wants in the process. He wins outright, no matter how 'torn up' he says he is about it. Don't allow him to do that anymore. Call him on his BS!
Discipline is something that will cause contention forever if you let it. Plain and simple truth, Dan is not there. Dan is not a permanent disciplinarian in their lives. I would wager a guess that the kids see him more as a 'fun uncle type' than a 'stable dad type'. You set the standard for the rules. Dan can set the standard for the rules in his own home if he ever sees fit to get that in order. Until he has that, he needs to follow your lead on this. You must tell him this. He has no right to dictate to you especially when he is walking away from his family.
Ok, I hear in my own post that I'm getting really b*tchy and ticked off. Sorry. It raises my hackles to hear this man who has treated you so abominally is now using drama tactics to try to 'bring you into line' with his way of thinking! No more BBJ! Stand up to him and lay down the boundaries. The kids are your territory, he has taken the role as visitor in their lives. Too bad, so sad. He chose this, not you.
Give the copies of the statement to your L. Make sure you tell him exactly what Dan claimed he was doing. Tell him everything you know or suspect. Dan makes SERIOUS money and he is letting you live on a pittance of that. If your L needs to use a forensic accountant, then by all means let them! They need to dig up every penny Dan has coming in and make sure that you get your fair share for yourself and the kids. Dan created those children and is responsible for them. Period. I have no idea what the laws in Iowa are, but in GA it is community debt no matter whose name is on the bill or whose income was used to obtain the credit or loan. Of course, none of this helps me since my xh has no job anymore and is apparently "The Biggest Loser" and not in a good way! HA!
Oh yeah, Kerry, Jell-O is made from hooves, but we love it anyway. Of course, Cool Whip is only one molecule away from plastic and yet we eat it too!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Bobbi, I dont know what to say. I guess you cant be sure about what he did where his credit card use places him but with his history, I would be totally pissed also.
About money, well I get less than 27% (I think) and I am supposed to feel lucky here according to our laws. So, I would say, get as much as is it right. You will definitely make a better use of it and save for you kids (and you can also come visit me!!! ).
(Of course later when we did the schedule he is traveling 13 days out of 31 in July.)
).