GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[saffie]

GH,

I went out for a long ride today with my youngest D on our horses....and my mind kept wandering back to you and your sitch.

Firstly, I was thinking about DB and how it is all about doing what works and not doing what doesn't.

Well in your sitch GH what has always worked is you following your own route and leaving your W to see if she will follow.....and she has. Somehow she KNOWS when you are putting your foot down and when she can call your bluff.

To me this whole preganancy thing is her having a hold over you. She keeps saying 'jump' and you grumble but by repeatedly going back to her you are ultimately saying 'how high?'

I do not believe for one instance she will abort this baby. Firstly due to her age. Secondly, although legally she is still able to, many places would balk at aborting a child of this gestation without a health problem for either the mother or the baby. It is hard enough for the staff to terminate a pregnency at this stage knowing there is a problem with the baby....to do it with a healthy child is something they will try to avoid. Thirdly, she would have to explain to her family why she was doing it. She is playing with you and she is being cruel. Preganacy should be a happy time to be celebrated....not a thing to use as a method of bribing someone and torturing them.

I agree with New Horizons....I would say your W is narcissistic. The baby may change that for a while...but she needs therapy and NOW. Give it two more weeks and she will be feeling that baby moving inside her....that may make a diference. However, I would play it very cool with her when she talks about the preganacy....don't be all gooey about it etc. Be matter of fact. Don't play her games....don't let her know you want the child. Don't let her know that you are going to be her support in this venture bacause she just seems to assume that you will be. Let her doubt if you will be there.

OM has made it clear that he does not want your W if she has your child. So what will she do? either she will buckle down with you and stay.....and to be honest I think she has made that decision, or she will have the baby and then leave it with you whilst she goes to OM. So you get to have your baby either way. I can't really see her abandoning her baby to be with OM, because whatever she may say now, once she holds that child in her arms she will not want to let go.

As an aside, if she has your baby and then leaves it and runs to OM just what does that say about her as a person.....and long term what will it make OM think about her. In my sitch my H's OW was willing, (and in fact did leave her children), to try and get my H to leave me.....and after the thrill of thinking he was so special that she would leave her own kids for him, he started to think about what a hard faced b!tch she must be in order to do that.

SO, do you want to live your life with her forever winding you up? My guess is not. SO find your balls now and put your foot down. Don't pander to her. Leave for now....let her do the running....it's what attracts her to the OM, let it work for you to.

I know that you have indicated that in the past you were verbally abusive to her etc. Well, that's the guy she fell for isn't it? Not the guy who bends over backwards to her. I am not saying do a full reversion to type 1, but at least get your bite back, otherwise this woman will continue to milk you dry emotionally....and once the baby arrives, financially.

You need to get hard young man. Think about it. That's if you even think this game is worth playing any more at all. It may be time to cut your losses and run....she does seem like poison from your descriptions.

The decision is yours and all you can do is consider what we all type here.

FWIW, I knew you would meet her at the aiprport and that just showed her exactly who was in control - shame on you GH - you played into her hands yet again.

BTW, being a godparent to your niece is a completely different thing. Your R with her family is separate to what you think of your W. If you respect and love her family you go ahead and be godparent. If they are only asking you because you are your W's H and you are not sure then refuse.....and tell them exactly why. Say that perhaps OM should be the godparent. Stop hiding your W's secrets....you have nothing to be ashamed of.