I can feel your pain oozing thru your post, and my heart -- literally -- aches for you. As a man with a LONG-term SSM, and who has also experienced the horrific pain of infidelity, I know how this feels. The rejection -- and the Ultimate Rejection -- eats away at your manhood.
Thoughts? Wow. That's tough. I guess my thoughts haven't really changed. Your wife seems to be one who does respond to whatever she HAS to respond to -- and nothing more. So my advice would be to make your Final Stand, and let her know that this IS one that she HAS to respond to.
Or you're done.
That's my advice, it's ALWAYS been my advice, and yet I realize that -- as you've rejected it -- you've been "right" in that you now have months and months and more months of some good times and some real good progress under your belt, that I wouldn't have had had I made a stand sooner. If and when you DO make your Final Stand, your wife will have much, much more to consider: more love, more shared experiences, more first-hand witnesses of your steadfast patience and unconditional love for her.
So, KUDOS to you, my aching friend, because you've done the right thing.
I just don't always think the same skills that it takes to get within 50 feet of the summit are the same ones that you need to scale the final piece.
You seem to want your wife to make this Decision on her own, and of course, that would be preferable. Because, if you're like me (and you seem O-So-Much like me!), you're thinking "What would it mean if I had a wife that only responded to my needs when she had a GUN to her head???"
I get that.
But at the end of the day, I'm coming to the growing conclusion that SHE IS INCAPABLE OF MAKING THIS DECISION ON HER OWN. I don't think she CAN make The Decision without either:
a. You making it FOR her; or
b. You at least framing the "four corners of the box" and letting her know clearly:
1. What the consequences are if she doesn't choose you, or if she chooses "continued limbo" and that the latter is unacceptable; and
2. That she has no more time to decide.
I do pray for you often, and for your wife. I will make that DAILY now.
