Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

SO now? I definitely feel better this morning. Glad I didn't act on anything last night.

Ok so the whole FB thing is stupid, I obviously dont want to be 'friend' or otherwise so yeh I guess I was just using it to try n see what was going on. So you're right it is what it is, end of the day it doesnt really effect my life in anyway. I don't want to know what she is doing, but I worry that everyone else will know what they are doing behind my back and thats what makes me angry.

I could look at it another way. I called and H missed the call. He went out of his way to call me back eventho she was there, he then left her there and went outside and wanted to chat with me for 10+ mins(I was planning a quick happy bday and then getting off--so next time I need to stick to my plan), H was actually asking about me and remembered what I had been up to this week and asking how it went, etc as if he cared(so that is different). And he continued to share with me about his bday and the rest of the week on his own accord, w.o me asking much. All I said was are you having a nice bday? which I would say to anyone. And he wanted to make plans to see me again and spoke about following that up. I didn't agree either way just said talk to you later have a nice bday.

Is this the actions of someone who doesn't care on some level? I don't think it is, yes it may be he is acting out of guilt, but honestly I would not put that much effort in to guilt? especially not more than once a week. Maybe I am reading too much into this, but if so let me have it, its hard to see clearly when you are wrapped up in the middle.

I don't think I would have been as upset if I hadn't been home alone last night and already emotional from a hard week. This sleep and stress thing is def a pattern for me, and I dont think its just with H, I think this has always been this way for me. At least I can see it now.

So back to the beginning question...next move? well I am going to leave this all for now. Don't see the point in commenting on it now, it wont change anything, and I can't see how it would get be any closer to what I want. My action is going to be to get more busy, if I had been out or enjoying myself I would have been less upset and worried about what H might be doing, I probably would not have thought of it again that night.

Oh and I have decided not to rush into anything with the house stuff, I felt the agents were pressuring us way too much and I wasn't going to be pushed into anything. So at this point I am still looking and considering my options, no rush on my side, things are stable for now and I can handle it.