Help! Want direct feedback from walk away wive/s

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Her "list" -- and her attitude -- still seem to be all about HER, and you having to prove yourself worthy of here somehow, and I think that's a losing, emasculating road to go down, in my opinion.

Here's your dilemma, John, pure and simple:

Either your wife is in the midst of an emotional affair or she's not. If she's not, then the approach you're taking MAY work (although I have yet to see where "Big Softie" get the chick, sadly, cuz I am one ). It's the "passive" part of the passive-aggressive pattern you said you've always had with her.

If she IS in an EA, then you pretty much can't believe anything she said to you.

Yep, it's "tough" alright.

Puppy

[Astimegoeson]

The other day during our R talk, she shared with me a list that she had made for herself entitled "What do I want?" that listed about 6-8 attributes. None of the attributes she listed appeared unreasonable to me. She stated that these were attributes that I either hadn't demonstrated in some time or hardly at all ever. She stated that it was her belief that I either did not possess these attributes and/or did not have the ability to acquire them. (BTW the OM was never brought up in the discussion.) I pretty much kept quiet and allowed her to talk. I appreciated the moment for what it was- her opening up to me honestly like that. I had been asking her since the EA was first discovered for specific feedback on what "needs" she needed filled and she had pushed back on me until now. I don't know what significance to place on this interaction, but it seemed genuine and from the heart. I should also mention that right before sharing her list with me, I had told her (truthfully)that I was focusing a lot of effort in letting go of the anger and resentment that had accumulated inside of me during the course of the EA. I explained that aside from the benefits to me, I wanted to create a safe emotional environment for her to open up to me about our relationship. Apparently it worked and she shared her list with me.

I know your looking for any sign, but be careful of this 'what I want list'. Obviously, at one point in her life, you were fulfilling the list or at the very least a good portion of it. Now all of the sudden, you don't have the ability to acquire the attributes on the list? Does that pass the smell test for you?

All I'm saying is be careful not to get to caught up on the rollercoster. Her list might change tomorrow. Enjoy the interaction, but don't read to much into it.

[BigJohn]

Astimegoeson,

Boy you weren't kidding about it being a roller coaster ride! Check out my other post. The change was nice, even if it only lasted for a little while. Hmm, maybe I really need to rethink buying that heavy bag for the garage....