First Timer

[Astimegoeson]

I hate to be the pessimist here, but sometimes this can take years. You can call this MLC, you can call this WAW, you can call it what you want. The fact is that this is a life transforming event your S is going through. Just like the transformation from toddler to teen or Boy to Man. You see the radical changes in their behavior and lifestyle, don't you? This isn't something that happens in terms of weeks or even months. It took a long time for them to get to this point and their not done with this transition, It's just that you finally noticed it. Sometimes the end result will leave you right where you are now... alone! Sometimes your choice, sometimes hers. This is not a defeatist attitude, this is a reality check.

Your obsessing over the results of your behavior when your focus should be on the aftermath of Hers. What is life going to look like for you personally if she doesn't come back to you? What is the relationship you'll have with your kids? How will you address future occupational opportunities? What will your living arrangements look like? How will you reorganize your finances? I know it's early in your situation, but I have to tell you from reading your description, you might be in this for the long haul judging from her behavior. Are you ready to face these questions? That's really the scariest part of this whole experience.... change. Sometimes I think life takes us out of that comfort zone of complacency for a good reason. That's a whole other discussion, but my point is, change happens whether we want it or not. The way we adapt will determine our success. Not just with our delinquent wives, but with our own future.

I will tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel as far as her behavior to you goes. It will lighten up at some point, but your going to have to give her a boatload of space and time for that to happen. Your going to need to start looking inside yourself . Don't get discouraged. If you start to refocus on what you can gain in the future as opposed to what you lost in the past, this hellish trip gets a whole lot easier.