Kassie I wish you could tell that to my W now that I have quit drinking. I have tried to tell my W all the problems that were related to the drinking. But in one ear and out the other.
Kevin
Kass, I was going to post to you about this but then saw K4D's post, I had to jump in now. "Not drinking anymore" is a STEP in a 12 step program. There is so much more to true recovery than merely not drinking. If your h does not know this (and same goes for you Kev, I'm shocked that you Kev, of all people on this site, think your drinking was the only problem even now, when you admitted you've "never learned to be happy" , you don't see a self medication issue there, ???!?!?! which has been pointed out to you a dozen times. You have not understood 90% of what is posted on your thread...)
Anyhow, Kass, as a 12 stepper myself, (with 14 years out) and as the d of a highly functioning alcoholic, who did recover eventually but took years of true introspection to "get it" I urge you to attend al-anon meetings and read all you can on this complex condition. It's physical and psychological and spiritual.
Your h's cessation of the alchohol is simply a starting point in a long journey. (Also, his attitude towards your exh is an example of him taking the focus off his recovery to put it elsewhere, and say "See, I'm not THAT bad" which many many people who are not yet recovered do. He needs to Keep HIS focus on HIS recovery... Your h is an alcoholic in recovery. Do you get that? I'm not trying to give you a 2 x 4 or if I am, a gentle one. Do you agree that he is an alcoholic? He is not cured and the rest of his character flaws (which we all have) are not all gone b/c he stopped treating his problems with alcohol.
Your h is not "all fixed" nor are you all healed, and neither is the M and that's okay. It's a long journey and it's work, but "work" does not suck, I mean it's life.
I hope this reaches you.
And yes some M's do reconcile. But yes, it takes work and if you check out my signature and time line, you'll see more of what I mean. GOOD LUCK on this journey...I have so much respect for 12 steppers who make it. 2 years is usually the goal (after the first 90 days) and once we reach that, it gets much easier to look within and really really do the work. The good work. j-
PS (And kevin, as for "going in one ear and out the other" you are the kettle calling the pot black. Post that comment on your own thread, and see the responses...if people will still post to you after seeing a boneheaded comment like that. )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
