So tonight...went out with a friend after work w calls about 8:30 and leaves a mesage...I just wanted to know your plan for tomorrow are you packing the kids and I thought you were coming over to see how to set up the the tent...
My s has cubscout camp this week and tomorrow is the overnight and me s and d. are going to camp. Yesterday my a said I should come over and set up the tent just so I knew how to do it...I said fine just call me and let me know if it's a good night. She never called and didn't say anything when I talked to her last night...
When I call her back tonight I could tell she wasn't happy. I tell her I'll come early and pack the kids no big deal. She says she already packed their stuff for camping ok twenty minutes ago you left a message wanting me to pack them I thought. Big pause in conv I ask anything else she says no, where are you, driving home...anything else she says no I say ok I'll talk to you later she says bye and hangs up...didn't wait for me to say bye, she never does that.
I call back because you have the choice of usingthe scout tents or bringing your own and s hadn't said what he wanted...so I ask which we weredoing she said the scout tents...wth thenwhy leave amessage about me not coming over to see how to set up new tent...I then ask why she hung up on me she said she didn't she said I said I'll talk to you later and thought that was my bye...every night I say I'll talkto you late then bye, every night...
Now during the whole conv I was happy good mood so I wasn't upset at all...I did ask her if she was mad at me she said no she's just tired...tired is code for somethings wrong I just don't want to tell you...
What did I do wrong?
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
It isn't you from what you said. She's bothered -don't know what about. could be any number of things. She's organized, she feels everything is on her... you weren't there when you were supposed to be there... all her stuff, irrational stuff, unresolved stuff with herself and you.
You didn't do anything wrong. She wants to blame you for the work that she has to do now, but can't. She wants to know who you're with and where you are because she's curious and maybe a little jealous.
Alot of times our WASs think they know what they want. Then when we give it to them in terms of space or time apart, etc. they still get angry with us because they thought they would automatically be happy.
When my W and I separated, she would be nasty and angry at me all the time in the short times that we were together. Then I finally got sick of hearing it and I told her to stop blaming me for her own unhappiness. That she wanted to leave and she did, so why was she still so mad?
It's like all our WASs get hit with the Crazy Stick.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
That's it totally she's told me she hates that she has to do everything by herself...I've thought but never said that's your choice...
I feel like I should say sorry for not coming over to help...It's like she wants my help but won't ask and many times if I offer she says no. My boss says I shouldn't always ask just help but then I'd think I was invading her space.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I would say to go over and help ONLY when you feel the time is right.
With her being mad just because you didn't go over, even though it's her choice, is her decision. When I took a stand against my W, I felt great! I got my power back and made her face a few truths about herself. Sometimes I feel we have to do that not to get them more mad at us, but for them to stop the blame game.
I think if they keep repeating all the stuff their telling themselves about how terrible the LBS is, they end up believing it.
You can only validate so much. You just have to do it in a non-confrontational, matter-of-fact way.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Last I looked you were not a mind reader! My guess is she is a bit put off that you were not jumping all over a time to be with her and was out and she didn't know where or with who. So what..ruffle her feathers a bit. In reality...if you two do go through with the divorce I hope you will not be at her every whim then. This kind of stuff may give her some insight on what life may be like.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
if you two do go through with the divorce I hope you will not be at her every whim then.
That won't happen.
I for some reason that I'm not yet sure why just sent her an email saying I hope your day is going well, and that I'm really looking forward to camping tonight with k's on the hottest day of the year and a high chance of severe thunderstorms ...First time I've done that just a little 180. Quick edit, not really a 180 but the first time I've just sent her something asking about her in as long as I can remember.
Last edited by volleydog; 06/19/0904:49 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Hope you are having fun sleeping under the stars..
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
...First time I've done that just a little 180. Quick edit, not really a 180 but the first time I've just sent her something asking about her in as long as I can remember.