WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

TELL the kids you are going to call Mommy, so get ready to talk to her in just a second. Maybe have a topic for them to talk to her about.....the seven year old got an A on a spelling quiz, whatever it maybe. Don't ask them anymore.
I say it's a gray area because you don't need accusations that you are keeping her from speaking with Mommy.

I tried this route tonite. I asked if the boys wanted to tell mommy about the baseball game we had at home. They said sure. We called but she didn't answer. I could see my 7 year old was really upset about it - I think that's why he doesn't want to call. A few times we called, she didn't answer. I told them to just say goodnite when it was time to leave a message. Which they did.

She did call back about 15 minutes later. She said she was taking out the trash and had missed the call. The boys told her about the baseball game we had and then said goodnite. It seemed like she wanted to keep talking to them, but they weren't interested.

She asked them about making a father's day card for me. My 7 year old said that he wanted to make the card at home. She asked if they wanter her to help. He said yes. She asked me if it was ok for her to come over to help them. I said, in as upbeat and positive tone I could manage, "Sure, that wouldn't be a problem".

She then asked me what we wanted to do for lunch on Sunday before going to the baseball game. My boys suggested burgers, so she said that if I wanted to get the burgers, she could bring potato salad and fruit salad. I said only if it was her homemade potato salad. She said of course it would be. I told her that sounded great and told the boys the plan. The boys were excited as well.

Then before she hung up, she got really quiet and I could hear her crying/sobbing.

I went to my den and asked what was wrong. As she cried and sobbed, she said it has been such a long time since she had seen them and really miss them. I told her that if she wanted to see them tomorrow, she could join us for breakfast or if she wanted to take them bowling or something. She said that she would join us for breakfast if I could call her in the morning. I said only if she could bring cheese over as I was planning on making ham and cheese omlets but our 3 year old ate all the cheese tonite.

She then said that she was really sad and didn't know what she wanted and continued to cry/sob. At that point our 3 year old interupted the call. I told her I had to go, but asked her if she wanted me to call her back after I put them to bed. She said if I had a chance.

I know that was dumb, but what really is a kicker, is that I called and she didn't answer. Not sure if she's asleep or playing games or doesn't want to talk to me or what, but it's really making me mad that I fall for her sobbing/crying. I really don't know what game she is playing other than trying to see if she can still control me like others here had suggested.

I need to remember what others have said as well, just give her time and space. Patience is the key. Don't be over eager nor too cold. Balance is the critical. I'm trying to be a friend, but it's hard.