"Im going to try to let you in on a little secret...I don't think you could have won with your W. I think she has huge issues and you've been dancing around trying to fit a square into a hole. That is IMO."
In this case you're right. It's a shame she doesn't have more friends or an outlet to bounce her feelings off on like this board.
I do get the feeling she's afraid, whether its for herself or for our kids, I don't know, but fear is fear. So I'm jut going to continue being the great guy I am and will see if I'll be willing to take her back after all this.
"I was really rude and crass in one of my other posts to you...I wanted to apologize but didn't get to it. You didn't call it out."
Don't worry about the comments. I've given my share of 2x4s. It's only fair that I get what's coming to me when it warrants.
In terms of the co-dependency, I think it's a natural thing that all couples fall for after marriage. I've read about it in a ton of other R books.
I've got a busy weekend coming up so I doubt if I'll be posting. However if I get a shout out, I may reply.
Thanks again for the whacks!
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yeah I've learned my lesson about asking about her fantasies. Live and learn.
It did get pretty animated with the psychoanalyzing didn't it? It did help to let me see things from my W's POV that I never thought of before. Like the pressuring of sex, the extra burden on a woman, etc. I had an idea but definitely not the extent. Thanks for yourself and aak for clarifying that for me.
I'm going to do what you and the others stated and just to do things for me and take care of myself without shirking my responsibilities.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Just when I thought I was done, I might as well throw out this question:
My W and I share the same birthday. Just three years apart. It's coming up this Friday. What should I get her?
Last year, we separated right on that day, so bad memories. I had gotten her a simple card, but she actually bought me something. I know she'll probably get me something this year too. So let me know what some ideas may be.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The b-day gift...have to ponder. A thoughtful gift if you know you are getting something but not over the top and NOT a ring or bracelet or "chain" of anykind...that's all I have for now on that...and NOT a book on M's or R's...
The book you probably have already read, is a classic and if you have not read it, DO SO fast--The Five Love Languages, by Chapman. I'd rank that book 2nd to DBing for me in what I learned. (The rest of the helpful books depend on your specific issues I think.) But 5LL's helped me realize that in many ways I had been blind to how H was loving me b/c it wasn't wrapped the way I THOUGHT it should be. The same applied to him. It's easy to say "yeah yeah we get it. We're different." But when you fully realize your partner HAS been loving you, in their way, and they don't know your way, it's tragic if "that's it". Definitely a good book. (Um nope, don't give it to her!! It's for you...and later on, someday, we can all hope and pray that she reads it).
For you, perhaps you may want to read "Boundaries" b/c it seems appropriate to your sitch. It's a good one about where you end and the other begins and might help you NOT obsess about your w...or..."She who must not be named..."
J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You are THE MAN!!! I like that you have a story that is being posted now. 25 will definitely keep you straight if you pay attention and do what she says.
K4D
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
