Yep same one. She has promised not to contact him anymore and won't take calls if he calls her. She swears she just needed someone to talk to and since my H is her H's best friend she wanted his opinion. Of course, my H shared our situation as well. Which of course I'm the bad person for talking to my two best friends about things. There have been just a couple of phone calls between them. Her call the other day was to ask him to have me call her because she knew I was upset with her when I avoided her at our mutual friend's funeral the other day. We had a long talk and I do believe her. She did apologize. Other then having to see them at the funeral the other day I have no contact with either one of them. My H's best friend still calls him occasionally.

I called our counselor today because my anxiety level was off the charts! She recommended the book Boundaries in Marriage which I have on hold at Borders and plan to pick up tomorrow.

At this point I'm not feeling really hopeful. He has such anger and bitterness towards me that I don't know if he'll ever be able to get past it.

We don't have our next counseling session until next Thursday night. The real test will be to see how he behaves when he gets back from the lake Sunday night.

I'm trying to keep myself off the rollercoaster of emotions. I go from total anxiety and panic to by the end of today (and a good workout) feeling empowered and in control. I just wish I could keep my head where it is right now!

I shut down before and checked out of our marriage before when I couldn't handle his moods and felt like a total failure at communicating with him. We've been in some awful patterns with one another! I just can't go back there again.

I'm really trying to work toward happiness for myself. I've taken some positive steps - exercising regularly (I've walked 111 miles since March)& lost 15 lbs., I'm reconnecting with friends from high school on Facebook, I'm working on getting my house organized, and make sure to spend plenty of time with friends.

Deep down I know I'll be just fine if this doesn't work out. It's just hard because between our dating years and married years we've been together 29 yrs. I've been with this man since I was 19 yrs old!