All those things have been building up my confidence and self-esteem, although I didn't really suffer in that dept. until the bomb.
You sure about that?
Ok. Im going to try to let you in on a little secret...I don't think you could have won with your W. I think she has huge issues and you've been dancing around trying to fit a square into a hole. That is IMO.
So, in the areas you can change, you have. You are doing things to improve your self esteem but, you still come off here as a little insecure (normal for an LBS but how long can that go on?)
I was really rude and crass in one of my other posts to you...I wanted to apologize but didn't get to it. You didn't call it out. You didn't say "hey, AK, thanks for helping me out here, I really appreciate it but can you tone it down a bit?" You kind of said "thank you ma'am may I have another?" And I'm not judging because you're looking for help and I'm trying to give it but I want you to really explore if that is what you are doing in R with W. Because it wont work.
You didn't destroy your M, you don't need her to show you who you need to be or how you need to change. She gave you some input which is great, I'm sure you played your part. But I don't think you've scratched the surface of who Stuck is.
When you are ready (this is your life after all), I think you should think of some reasonable boundaries for yourself in your R.
Many have recommended the book Co-dependent No More and I think you should read it and I probably should as well.
Can you make an agreement to not post about W for 24 hours or more? I swear it helps.
Can you try for three days to just stop with spinning and obsessing and analyzing (pot meet kettle) and really just be you?
The only way I know how to do that is to accept the D...per SP. We all want our Ms to work out. But, the fear is tempering your behavior and she can smell that.
How about this? If she wasn't more afraid than you, she would have done it already. She is scared, confused, lost...and you? You are ok. Does she want a man who could live without her? That may be harder for her to swallow than having a man who can't...it is such a mindf*ck.
All you are left with is what to do about YOU. Your work as I see it is to really stop trying to figure her out and please try to take yourself to the worst case scenario and make peace with it.
I'll be baaaaack...
BTW- You and many of the men on here really inspire me and give me assurance that there are so many who care deeply about their commitments, their families and their own personal growth. Really, I had all but lost faith in men...
