If we didn't have any kids, I would have cut her strings a while ago. However, we do have kids, so they are my first priority. Showing them how a father treats their mother with love and respect is the model I want to show them so that they will want the same in their relationships.
Stuck, you are a great guy. This is early on and I think you are right to hang in there.
On the physical stuff, I would go so teeny tiny with it when you do. Not even a foot rub. A brush by her or some subtle contact...
How's your R with the kids? Weird as it sounds, it turned me on when H was super attentive super dad with the kids. Really endeared me and made me feel like I was with a "man" rather than a boy. Or, he would handle something with the kids "just right" (I mean with energy and imagination).
YES YES YES....NO WOMAN IS UNMOVED BY THE LOVING INTERACTION BETWEEN HER CHILDREN AND THEIR FATHER (OR ANY MALE ROLD MODEL IF THE FATHER IS ABSENT) FOR ME, IT'S LIKE FOREPLAY EMOTIONALLY...
Just musing here...
Curious, have you ever in a very manly way looked at her and told her that you are not leaving her, that you are fighting for this marriage, that she is the love of your life and the mother of your children and you are going to do what it takes AND that you hope she steps up too.
Wow, that would make an impression on ME.
I'm NOT saying you should, but, I always wonder what would have happened if my H had...
Bet you wish you did know, AK, huh?
Stk,
Ignore what people say about giving up if you are not ready to. But this whole psychoanalyzing of her does enable you to NOT focus on you. Why is that? What are you doing to GAL? What are the 180s? You need to work on YOU and only you, b/c you're all you can control and in a way, really, who are you to judge what she needs to work on? You can and should tell her about YOUR needs and all that, but not what "She needs to do to improve as a woman blah blah blah--big turn off.
Don't you want her to see you as being "on her side" meaning that the M is the goal and you are a team, not adversaries with marriage as the penalty...make sense?
Last but not least, please NEVER ask your wife again whom she fantasizes about while ML to you. OMG. What good could possibly come from that type of question? I don't know if my h does that while we ML but I sure as hell do NOT want to know and if he does, I surely don't want to know who...OMG!! Let me go puke...
FWIW, on occasion maybe an image of some faceless guy in a commercial might pop into my head, or a bf from 30 years ago... Doesn't mean anything but it embarrasses me a bit and I don't want to "share" that with anyone. I would NEVER tell my h that. So I cannot imagine at all telling him that I think of some other guy IN OUR LIVES TODAY...wth? Don't go there. Please. Totally NOT a good idea. It's one thing to share fantasies, but it's a whole other thing to name names and faces....ALL the fantasies you share, IF you are into that, imho, should involve ONLY each other. Just my thoughts on that. I really feel strongly about that. I would feel so insecure if my h told me he thinks of a nurse from work or a patient or whatever....NOT a turn on for sure. Wow, that would sooo undermine me. In our 28 years we have never said anything like that to eachother. (( Okay, I HAVE told him funny dreams where I'm married to a guy from some tv show OR I am married to Brad Pitt -- but then Angelina comes home WITH Jennifer Aniston...))
Back rubs that do NOT lead to sex, feel like loving gestures to me, btw. Doesn't mean we won't ML later... But I've had surgery there so it means a lot to me if h wants to comfort me or show me affection without always having an agenda. I would not see it as manipulative if it wasn't.
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
