Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[ALJ]

I haven't posted in awhile.

My H drove in from out of town where he lives to see the kids and to attend his sisters birthday dinner. He had been gone for 6 weeks and he stayed with us from 6/12 to 6/15. I had been working on myself every since he left by working out and seeing a c and just trying to figure out who I am as an individual.

My sis-in-laws birthday dinner went okay. I mostly talked with everyone else except my H and my H mostly talked with his brother and the kids. We were cordial to each other but I felt like we were strangers. My BIL made a comment to my MIL about how good I was looking these days and that my H better wake up before its to late and my MIL told me that my H was stealing glances at me when I wasn't looking. The working out and gal is really doing me some good

His visit for the most part was stress-free. At times he laughed and joked with me like he used to. Then, there were times where he seemed distant and unconcerned with me or my feelings. It was like he was afraid of getting too close or too comfortable with me. The kids were a little standoffish when they first seen him but they eventually warmed up to him. He slept on the couch for the first 2 nights and then on the 3rd nite he said the couch made his neck hurt so he slept in our bed. We ML that nite and the next morning. Unfortunately, he did not kiss me during ML. Again, I think it goes back to not wanting to get too close or personal, I could be wrong.

At times I get really angry at H for leaving us like this. Who does he think he is anyway? What would possess him to do this? I have to admit that there were times in our m where I was unhappy but I would never just up and leave like I was the only one that mattered in the relationship. My MIL is really upset with him for leaving the kids like that and she said she is going to ask him what is going on in his mind because his kids need him in their lives and just because he calls them every other day doesnt mean a thing if they only see him once a month. This is my MIL idea to call him. I did not influence her either way.

So, for now, I am taking one day at a time. I am getting past the sadness for now. Trying to swim through the confusion and the not knowing what is going to happen next in our relationship. Wondering if he is happy with his decision to leave, since he was so "unhappy" before he left...