just got off the phone with W. she called to ask when i told the landlord i wanted her to come back home. OUCH!!! i said "oh, yeah. i had said something to him when he was over right after you left when he was working in the basement (the truth). i then said that was before i had really gotten a chance to think about things. she said ok, she understood.
then she said that's not why she called. i asked what was up and she wanted to know if we could go out for dinner sunday when she comes over. i asked what time first, and she said late afternoon, and i said that would work and said that sounds pretty great.
she said she wanted to have a real conversation with me and said we haven't had one in a long time. i agreed with her 100% on that and said it sounds like fun. she said she'll pay for my meal and i laughed and said no way, i can take care of myself. she said what's wrong, you won't be my date? i laughed and said i'll be your date but i can still pay for myself. i then immediately told her to keep me updated and that i'd let her go. she said she would and mentioned she was happy about the dinner plans. i laughed and agreed. i then told her to call or txt me later. that was it.
lol. i'm happy, but a bit nervous. it's so weird because last nite i had thought about everything and realized if anything like this ever happened, i could never think of her as she was before. that old, codependent, often angry or hurt W that was confused about herself and everything. i have to look at her through new eyes. i can't see or think about what she was.
one other thing i did last nite was write her a letter that i never intend to give to her. it outlined how i truly felt, but laid out my boundaries and things i would do if we ever gave the R another chance. it really made me think about what i need to do to be a better person for myself. THEN i can give her unconditional but non-codependent love. that helped me so much in the way i think and now believe i have a better chance of acting on it. everything i said was with love, but it was firm and non-bending. that's the kind of person i need to be. and day by day it seems to be happening for me.
PDT, thank you and i agree 100%. no melted cheese man here. only a strong man who makes himself happy. i choose to share my happiness with my W, but she needs to take care of herself. this separation has been the best thing that ever happened to me.
