Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Ready2Change]

Greetings, PC;

The best way to utilize these forums is to think of us as an on-line "support group," and then tell us your story, as if you were sitting down in front of a group of friends and telling them what happened. How did the relationship begin? What were the early days of your marriage like? How did having children affect your relationship? How did it deteriorate into its current state? You'll start to get good, practical advice when the helpful folks here have as many of the details as possible....paragraphs and pages of them.

So far, we don't have much to go on, and therefore can't give very good advice. All I can suggest to you, from what you've shared is:

(1) Begin a Get-a-Life (GAL) campaign.

If you're depressed and just hanging around in the house, you need to start investing a lot more time and energy on YOURSELF. Improve yourself physically (weight, fitness, health, hair, clothes, etc.); improve yourself mentally (pursue interests, hobbies, sports --> NOT watching TV); improve yourself socially (go out with friends, join a new club or two, sign up for a course or a class -- get out of the house!). There are other ideas and suggestions about GAL activities that can be found on this website.

(2) Read and research your situation.

Pick up a copy of Michele's Divorce Remedy and really study it. Pick up a copy of John Gray's old classic Men are Mars and Women are from Venus, and start educating yourself on the sometimes *stark* differences between men and women and how they interract in relationships. If arguments and unresolved conflicts were a mainstay of your marriage, then pick up a copy of John Gottman's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and study that. Once you have a good notion of (a) where you made mistakes in your marriage, and (b) what you can change about yourself that will make you a better partner in the future, then start applying what you have read and learned in small, easy to maintain and monitor steps.

The only person you can change in your marriage is YOURSELF, so that is where you begin. Let your wife do what she's going to do, for now. Take advantage of the break to improve and work on yourself, and your relationship skills.

-- Bagheera.