Hey ((Julia)), Well I was flip flopping a bit on what to say. First, I was p*ssed like mishka. Granted he is in lala land, but he did offer to take his things & help move you. He even said he would be happy to. Part, I think is lack of communication. He didn't tell you or ask what days would be good (DAM) & you did tell him either (other than not on your b'day). Could it be that he assumes you have already found a new flat to rent? Neither one of you are mind readers. I don't mean to come off as crass, but that's how I see it. Yet, I'm in zero expectation land, so my view might be skewed.
I totally agree that it's annoying that he doesn't get back to you straight away & then expects a response straight away. He's on the train, a good time to chat maybe about all of this moving bit?? Is your not responding straight away a 180? When do 180's finally become more of the same?? Seriously, anyone have thoughts on that? (I was horrible at 180s).
Hope you have a nice weekend, Julia!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
(((Mishka))) I have lined up a few potentials for moving. In fact now I have too many offers
(((MsM))) Thank you, your post really helped me clarify what I should be thinking. It really made me think!
Well, I took the weekend off and finished packing with my Mum and then on Sunday it was my niece's christening which was really lovely. Plus I got to hang out with my brothers mates who have known me since I was born and are the funniest guys and treat me like a proper little sister. I love it!
Yesterday I went for a walk and did some fresh thinking and this was the email I wrote back to h.
Hiya,
I hope you had a good time in (the races) at the weekend, the weather was lovely! I saw that article about (my work), looks like the backlash is about to start again and the Faculty are woefully inept as usual *crying into my desk with frustration*! Maybe they'll come up with a 'sort-of plan' again...
Next weekend is fine if you want to come up, although I am probably out on Saturday. Thanks for your offer of help, if you have time that'd be great. I have been very busy over the past couple of weeks packing and sorting. I have put your stuff together but it is not packed. I will leave it to you to decide how to deal with it. It is all in and by the pink bedroom cupboard. There are also the tools in the boiler cupboard and in the cupboard by the front door which were too heavy for me to shift. Oh, and the bike in the shed.
If you want to chat over anything let me know.
Hope you have a good week and it isn't as hectic as the past two weeks. If you still want to lunch let me know, otherwise I'll probably see you some time at the weekend.
J
My goals in this were - to chill out and not take it personally - to be laid back - no pressure - to have my own life and give him space here over the weekend. - to get him to help me with some of my stuff. I reckon that at the very least we can drive all the stuff I have sorted up to my sisters, that would be really helpful.
The exchange of contracts on the house has been delayed by at least another weekend, something to do with the buyers buyers. H just sent me a text asking me to lunch on Friday even though we will see each other at the weekend so I guess that is a result. The big result is that there is 5 days notice *picks myself up off the floor* The positive thing is that I detached so much over the weekend that I really am not bothered where as last week I think I would have been in a state about it!
Too many offers of help for moving? Is there such a thing? It's always hard to convince even the most loyal of friends to help with a chore so monumental. It's a testament to your cheerful, wonderful personality that so many are willing to assist!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Aww, thanks Mishka that's so sweet. I do have some good friends and an excellent and loyal family, even if I have been distant from them this year a little as they can be a bit much. I count myself very lucky to have them!
Yay for organised moving! Lunch on Friday sounds like it could be fun and a good opportunity to catch up. Then when you see each other on the weekend you can concentrate on being super-playfully flirtatious and fun!
On Friday? I'm not sure whether to suggest somewhere or ask him where he fancies. I have discovered another exciting cup cake place (I sniff them out ).
On Saturday, I'm not sure yet, I have to make plans!!!
So how did lunch go? Have you made some fun plans for tomorrow so you won't be home? Best of luck finding a new palce to live. I know it is not totally what you wanted but it will be a place without memories of him there.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Lunch was good as usual. We get on so well, sigh! Again he left a lot happier than when we met. However, I feel frustrated at the lack of affection, I really want to try and increase it but I'm not sure how. When we meet after a break I get nervous and babble a bit and forget to flirt and I didn't feel confident in myself really. I am hoping that maybe Sunday will be more successful after seeing him today. We nearly hugged hello and goodbye but didn't quite have the guts, maybe I need to bite the bullet a bit more there! It will be strange to be having so much contact in one weekend, to have met for lunch today etc. I am kind of glad to be going out tomorrow as it is weird for me. His sister is coming up to help him on Sunday so it'll be weird seeing her - probably challenging for me as I harbour negative feelings towards her which I will make sure don't show.
I got good news today - contracts were exchanged on the house so it is sold. We will complete on the 13th July so I now have to find somewhere to live. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders when the solicitor said it. I didn't think I'd feel that way but I do. You are right about the memories! New start and all that.
Tomorrow I am hanging out with my friend in London... should be nice. I'm glad to not be at the house. He didn't even realise that he needed boxes - weird!
Isn't it strange how sometimes we don't know how we are going to feel about something until after it's happened? I'm glad you feel good aboutt he house being sold.
As far as affection goes, you are in a tricky place! You might try something like a greeting hug... you might be able to judge the response without making much of a big deal of it. When in doubt, in your situation, go slow!
He didn't even realise that he needed boxes - weird!
Really weird! How was he planning on transporting everything? STRANGE MAN!
I'm glad lunch went well. You say you forgot to flirt, but don't you feel that some flirting just comes out naturally due to your attraction to him? I find I still flirt with my xh in a total subconscious way. I don't realize it until after he's left and I run over the convo and body language exchanged.
Next time you meet, if you feel like hugging him, what could it hurt? Are you afraid of his reaction or of your own?
I guess as far as his sister is concerned........act as if! We've all learned to do that so well!
Have fun in Londontown tomorrow!
((((((((((Julia)))))))))))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
The positive thing is that I detached so much over the weekend that I really am not bothered where as last week I think I would have been in a state about it!