Well...that's a good question and gets me back on track somewhat. Our routine got a little topsy turvy with school ending and taking a short vacation and I did a temp job for a few weeks and then I don't know, old behavior falls back into place.
All the activity and travel kept me away from Al Anon meetings and church for a couple of weeks and without all that external support I find it hard to maintain my peace of mind around him.
And of course, though I was trying not to get my hopes up about his "moment of clarity" I did anyway. He really seemed to be "getting it" and now he won't even discuss it. I asked him if he was going to read any more of the Stosny book, which had made such a big difference, and he got mad and said he ALREADY read a few chapters, didn't think he needed to. And of course, he said he didn't want to talk about it.
Anyway, back to Al Anon and back to focusing on me, and taking care of myself AND working on myself and my own problem behaviors. I am spending more time in my yard, I am getting ready to refinish some furniture (I've never done that before), and I am working on archiving some very old family photos of ancestors, etc. The trip I took was to visit family I haven't seen in four years, cousins I grew up with and that was very affirming. H didn't go, so I enjoyed not having pressure from him during it.
Really, things are kind of fine with him, as long as we're busy, and doing things with the kids, and as long as the house, kids, etc is exactly how he wants it. We just can't talk about anything.
It's lonely. But it could be worse. So, I am just going a day at a time. Should start working again next month. Working last month made me happy. It was in a new environment, and I enjoyed it. My thinking right now is that I guess I can hold my family together even if it's not ideal, and often painful. I think.
