I agree. I would just respond but not initiate. I've just learned to do better at that myself. I always used to be the one to email H to find out when we'd exchange the kids, I mean every time. I just stopped that recently, and let him initiate those for a change. He doesn't probably email as soon as I would have, but he does eventually, and I think that's a good change.
I do respond and I'm polite to him, but. I think it's wrong for your H to let you talk and treat you the way he is. If he's going to be rude like "put D on the phone" to you then I wouldn't even allow that. My H is kind of like that too, and I just put my D or S on the phone and don't even talk to him. When he tries to initiate talk with me, I just keep saying just email me with the details and we'll work it out or something like that, and he's getting better about that too.
My H equates niceness with weakness I think, and lost respect for me. I don't of course, and luckily most people don't, but I think some of our WAS think like that, and it's helpful to keep in mind. I'm still polite to him, but I'm no longer the nice push-over person to him. Polite and distantly friendly, but that's it. And he treats me better and we get along better too. If he tries to pull cr** on me I call him on it too. Our R has actually dramatically improved I would say...But even if it hadn't, I feel better about myself and more self-respect and that's important too...
And I know what you mean about your expectations of your H and his family. I've had to give those up too. My H and his family are never going to be the way I wish. Often no cards or calls on their grandkid's birthday, but if you're really there for them and supply cards, and hugs and kisses and cake of course, then I think they're ok. And really, I think from what I've seen here a lot of the WAS come from kind of dysfunctional families if not full-blown messed up ones, and maybe that's a big part of the problem.... Karen
