A truly confident, secure man would give this type of attitude:
I am perfectly fine the way I am. I want someone who WANTS to be with me. [quote]
I think this makes sense, and is true...once one is truly confident and secure, and 'is' perfectly fine they way he is.
If you know how attraction works, you can almost do anything and anything will work.
If you don't know how attraction works, you can do anything & everything and nothing will work.
That's all I can say.
I went from being the wimp to being a real hard ass that wouldn't take crap from anyone. Uber confident, I can do it all myself, I'm going out all the time, having fun, taking care of myself and not caring at all about my spouse and what she does.
She noticed me changing and she remarked that it was great that I was strong & confident in myself but I didn't need to be too strong and run over everyone which it appeared that I was doing.
The point is I was this over confident person and I won't lie that I didn't like the attention that i generated, I was so different from how most people had known me that it generated interest just because of this. Working out regularly also boosted my confidence quite a bit, I look great, shop regularly for new clothes and take care of myself. I also got a life, I became so busy that I started having trouble making time for things which included spending time with my wife up until recently.
I had the kids during the week (during the time that it was my turn to have them) and she asked if she could come over after work to visit the kids and say good night to them after they had supper. I told her she could come over, it was ok with me. We put them to bed and she appeared tired and I told her that if she wanted to, she could sit & stay for a bit. I asked her about work but not in the way that I would normally ask, I wasn't attached to the outcome of the discussion, I appeared completely detached but still friendly. She had been on her feet all day and she just needed to sit down because they were hurting. I got up, got some skin lotion, sat down at one end of the couch, pulled up her feet, pulled her socks off, smiled at her with a bit of a wicked grin and I told her, "would you like me to rub your feet, if so you have to ask me nicely and I'll let you know if I will" and I smiled again. She smiled, it had been a very long time since I had given her a foot rub, I asked her when the last time she rec'd a foot rub and she said she hadn't had one forever and probably the last time she got one was from me. I gave her a great footrub, she relaxed, we talked for an hour about everything except for us, I then looked at the time, it was getting late and I told her that she should probably get going because i had to get up early for work and driving the kids to school,etc. She looked a bit sad, she told me she was really enjoying the footrub and it was very relaxing, etc. I told her that she might be lucky again in the future.
All I'm saying is this, I was ultra confident, if she had said she didn't want a footrub, I would have considered it her loss, not my own and that mindset coupled with being confident worked for me. Plus and I don't have any scientific evidence to back this up, but the touching did something, it wasn't just the footrub, it was me touching her, she enjoyed it alot and not in a sexual sense either - its hard to quantify this but I know that this simple touching affected her in some way.
She liked the attention from me, I wasn't needy, wussy, wimpy. I was confident, funny, engaging, she enjoyed the adult time with someone other than a co-worker and it relaxed her. I have to believe that if you can get to a point where you can engage your spouse in some type of event that involves touching of a non-sexual nature, some type of bond is being established: she felt comfortable with me because of being confident, secure, etc. It relaxed her, she felt secure with me. Maybe in her mind, she was beginning to associate these good feelings with me on a subconscious level. Everytime there after, she would smile while looking at me. Despite her cruel treatment of me for such a long period of time, I was willing to invest a small amount of time, effort & physical touch and it softened her idea of me. She began asking to come over more frequently when I had the kids, I would offer footrubs sometimes she would ask for them, she would offer to come over sometimes and offer to bring over coffee and asked if I was hungry. We then started going with the kids to restaurants (almost like a real family LOL!)
Fast forward to today, she finally asked me if I would like to go out on a date (and she's been hinting about it for quite some time, we've been going out for coffee in evenings now 1-2 times a week without the kids), I'm going out tonight with her. I told her I would pick the place, told her to put on something sexy and I would pick her up and drive us there.
I think it's finally happening, she likes the attention she's getting from this confident guy (aka ME).
Be confident with yourself: being confident means DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU WANT TO DO IT. If you're confident and you want to show her some attention, do it because YOU WANT TO DO IT.
Yes you could be confident and tell her to go to HELL because she's treating you poorly, or you can confident in yourself, secure in yourself, feel attractive & great and finally realize how much value you have and when you're sitting sky high there, you realize that you can do whatever you want to do and still appear confident & attractive to everyone around you.
Maybe it's just me but I'm finally getting it, being confident & attractive & secure with myself means doing what I want to do with the only intended result being I did it because I wanted to and I won't let rejection bother me anymore.
