One telling point is that she told me that when we divorced, she wouldn't go out with anyone seriously until the kids were in high school. Which is exactly what the mom did. Of course, she did chase after the OM, so I don't know how true that statement was.
I think the reason she doesn't think she actually had an affair is because she wasn't really, in reality, going to do it. It was a fantasy that went too far. IMO.
Regardless, yes, she doesn't know how to multi-task with her love and attention.
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I do have to find a way to break that perception of me being the "burden" and be seen as a partner/lover again. The question is how?
You do not and cannot "find a way" IMO. She has to wake up. You being nice and accommodating can burden her (because then she feels guilty, blah, blah, blah). You can do a trial and error thing for a while, fine, but, the bulk of yur energy needs to be on you. I asked you before, how are you stuck? What do YOU need to do differently for you. The less you are looking at her, the better IMO.
