June 20 (tomorrow) marks one year of my posting here.
The more I look at my marriage the more I realize that this is still a journey within myself and to find what I want out of life and out of my relationship. It's not only about sex but wanting to truly connect with another person. I wish I could say my marriage is all fixed (it's not). I am in a better place to figure out how to move forward with my life though.
The most important difference is I'm in much better touch my emotions now. I am allowing myself to really feel things again. No more dulling my senses or ignoring them. Also I am voicing how I am feeling to my wife. She knows what is on my mind now. This was not happening much at all before in our relationship or with anyone in fact. I think I said it once before, "How can I be intimate with someone when I don't reveal myself fully to them?"
I'm still not sure what our next step will be. I know that I am not currently having the realtionship that I desire. So we will see. At least I hope we will be able to talk through this and figure it out together.
Jayce - Yeah the anxiety leading to growth is so true. My father dying made me really reflect on my life and question how really happy I was with it and how I wanted to live the rest of my days. I realized how lifeless my existance was and I wanted to change that.
Mama - I am gald to help you in any way. I know I haven't been very active on the board lately but my story here may help someone in some small way.
