Sure, lots of theories....but ultimately, everyone of our WAS are sort of nutzo. And then we become sort of nutzo too. This board is about teaching and supporting each other through the nutzo.
Do you have any idea who she is confiding in right now? Is there some idiot out there who thinks divorce ends pain? Divorce is a viable solution? I think divorce works when someone is getting physically abused or someone has an addiction they refuse to fix, such as a substance addiction, porn, etc. But even then, there is potential to work and fix the issues. Anyways, I'm babbling.....
I recently told my H, it's officially time for both of us to shut up. He asked what that meant and I said Until one of these stupid people in your ear tells you 'Hey, I'll help you raise your son, do your laundry, rub your feet when they hurt, help you with the bills, listen when you're upset, and basically all around be here for you in any circumstance' then they can go F themselves and it's time for them to stay out of MY personal life.
I do believe since then he has limited his conversations about us to only his parents who are the only people I can think of who would meet the qualifications of the above list, maybe not the feet rubbing, the rest of it. As do my parents, minus the feet rubbing. What's more, my friends, while pissed have told me to fight for this tooth and nail. I know some of his "friends" (two in particular, both female) have told him to get out....blah blah blah.
And since he's limited his conversation about our personal life, things have been much better between us. Decisions that have been made have been good ones and we're still very capable of getting a divorce, BUT he has agreed to continue with our marriage program....which he was against vehemently after agreeing to do it.
So IF you think there is a person or persons in her life telling her divorce is the answer, silence that person somehow. And no, don't hurt them, but maybe let her know you would find it very violating to find out she was discussing this issue with anyone, esp. not family who loves you both.
In terms of the changes from basically "I love you" to "I want to see a mediator", she's going through her own valleys, and crossing her own mountains. Just stay firm with what DR teaches you.....the majority of couples who survive this come out the other end even stronger. Let her know you've learned that and yo believe it. You will not quit on this marriage. You won't stop living, but you won't quit either.
It's odd, you are going to fight the person you love the most because they are the person you love the most.
