So much of the DBing advice here, however, seems to be "When you see your WAS in trouble, then let them fall. If they ask for help, then make sure they know you are not there to catch them." ie, provide the WAS with less support than you would give a friend.
I don't know what threads YOU'RE readin', but all I ever see is "rub their feet, clean the house, light-the-scented-candles and care for the kids while they take a bath, be-their-best-friend, etc. Blccccch.
There I agree with you 100% Puppy!
This over the top devotion is also not how you would treat a friend.
But that is not what SP was doing for his wife. He was saying "If you ever really need me, I'll be there to help you. You are not completely alone" That's what you would say to a friend.
By criticizing this as "rescuing" it seems like the only acceptable answer would be "You are right, You'll be all alone! Just you and your cats! Have a nice life! etc" I don't think you would treat a good friend this way.
Quote:
I think sometimes the best thing you can do when you love someone is to let them fail, and to teach themselves to get back up again. Especially if the "failing" is a natural consequence of some poor decision(s) on their part.
Agreed
However, I don't agree if this strays into the realm of punishment - ie "You are divorcing me, so therefore I won't be "friendi" with you in the future."
Last edited by Thinker; 06/19/0904:34 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
