Positive developments? #2

[jon2911]

Thanks everyone! The audit went OK on the 2nd try. W got a really bad headache the first time and we had to call and reschedule for the next week. We owe them $3,000 but still have some time to prove more stuff. Trying to track W down on that.

Things have cooled off a bit with W since mid-March, but I think a lot of that was losing my job, twice, along with the audit. She mentioned wanting to do something next month around her birthday, the 21st. It's hard to do spontaneous things like we used to, but I'll find a way to do it. This is one of the reasons we fell in love, and I need to remember those things.

Reading everyone's threads has been great today, especially Lola's. I need to come here and post more often!

[MichelleLT]

Good to see you post again :-)

[jon2911]

MY UNEMPLOYMENT FINALLY CAME!

I waited 2 months for this, and was literally walking to the mailbox Friday with the paperwork to draw out my 401K when they finally called me. A few questions about why my last job let me go, and then I was cleared. Over $3K in the account today.

This has been one of the most stressful things I've ever gone through. They say that the unemployment rate isn't nearly as bad here in Texas as the rest of the country, but I'm skeptical. They were completely impossible to get ahold of since Easter. I also found out that my part-time job can be added on top of full unemployment, so that's also great.

Had a good talk with W today, we're going to schedule the final IRS meeting next week. Hopefully will prove some more deductions before getting on the payment plan.

Spent time yesterday and today reading through all of my threads. Very eye-opening. I definitely let the roller-coaster get to me from August through January. Reading this thread, I'm confused:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1396819

It seems like we've been through three of the stages, but keep going backwards. The 2 lay-offs and waiting have definitely affected my PMA. It's been tough doing all this tax stuff with her and not keeping it light and fun. Need to get that back and set some goals.

[jon2911]

I like this summary of the four stages. Honestly don't know what some of the phrases in stages 2 and 3 mean, didn't realize I was there when I got there. Need to brush up and re-read the book.


1. Reducing negative emotions
LRT (if needed)
ACT as IF
Avoid Cheeseless Tunnels
2. Reestablishing a relationship (friendship)
Real Giving
Communication skills (Change Anything, The medium is the message, better done than said...etc)
3. Realignment of romance
If it Works, Don't Fix it
Change Anything
Do a 180
4. Recommitment
Keeping the Changes Going

[jon2911]

Well, had the second meeting with the auditor today. She gave us a month to come up with more proof before finalizing. Long story short, we proved another $5,000 in medical expenses and reduced our bill by $1,000! It was great. Hadn't seen W in 5 weeks, so I was apprehensive, but it was a very good time. We got manicures to celebrate! My first time, and W was surprised that I went along. It was fun.

I've been feeling really down and depressed with not having a job and not getting to see W, plus financial troubles. I read Michelle's "take care of yourself" article about working out every day and decided to do it for the last 3 weeks. It means getting up at 5:30 every morning, which I was very reluctant to do, but long story short I've lost 20 pounds! Not eating out because I'm broke helped also.

W couldn't stop commenting on how good I looked, it was nice. I want to keep it off this time. Going to a career connection deal at church tonight, should be good.

I feel good that we still seem to have a good friendship. Romance stage has definitely cooled off, which I find frustrating, but W has also been feeling terrible the last couple months. I want to keep working on myself and give it time.

[Goodfight]

Hi Jon,

Was wondering if you would be able to help me with some advice? It would be so gratefully appreciated!!! I've been reading about your sitch and it has given me some hope!! If you are too busy I understand....it's just that some people that have been on here for years are of course use to talking to the same people and I really could use someone with experience on DBusting!!!!

Thanks

[jon2911]

Hey Lost!

Glad you find some hope from my sitch, that's something I'm not finding right now. I'll hop on over to your thread

[jon2911]

Had good talk with W on Friday, she's getting a TV from her family for her birthday. I have a cable she needs that would cost $50, so I mailed it to her with a nice card. Was struggling with what to do on her birthday (today), and this was perfect. I told her about it last night so she wouldn't buy one, and it seemed to mean a lot to her. Nice talk again last night before I went to bed.

Several e-mails in the night of interesting things on Craigslist, etc., which is always an indication that she's thinking about me.

The career night at church was fantastic, lots of good advice about resumes, interviewing, etc. I have more hope in my job search now. Also played 75 holes of disc golf yesterday, great exercise and great time with a good friend. I still get very excited when W calls, and depressed when she doesn't, so I need to keep GAL and not be affected so much.

[Goodfight]

Hi Jon,

I don't know how to attach my thread to this.......or did you get a chance to look at my thread???? Don't know how to use the site yet! Wish I would hear from mine (H)! Still nothing!!!

[jon2911]

Hey Lost! Easiest way is to click on someone's name and then "View posts". I think I found your most recent thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1789427&page=3

Having a lot of negative thoughts today,

Good contact with W today, still helping her get her new TV set up. I'm upbeat when she calls and make sure I'm the one to end the convo. I've been reading Michelle's chapter on depression, and how her advice on that is the same as for everything else. Be patient, take care of yourself, get a life, etc. Need to keep doing that.