I understand what you are saying with this SP. Between caretaking to the point of enabling, and allowing them to crash so hard it could have long term impact.
I'm also worried that if I allowed my W to crash really hard, she wouldn't bounce.
Take the training wheels off they are for kids. Risk and reward when you take your hand off the seat and let go. Risk and rewards for both participants. Parenting your spouse is frustrating and a turn-off for both people. Rescuing and enabling is just a attempt to control someone else. The only control you have is self-control. Self-control is really the way to love yourself. Lovingly detach. Differentiate. My wife taught me this, "I wasn't put on this earth to be your wife." She is her own special, unique, challenged and growing person. We are different and stumble over different issues. Boundaries have helped me see where I end and she starts. We are both stronger and healthier as a result. Cheers
I don't think this is the distinction I was talking about.
If I am friends with someone and I see they are in trouble, then I let them know I am there to support them. If they ask for help, I provide it (all assuming it is reasonable). It is detached, friendly, "loving" help and support.
So much of the DBing advice here, however, seems to be "When you see your WAS in trouble, then let them fall. If they ask for help, then make sure they know you are not there to catch them." ie, provide the WAS with less support than you would give a friend.
@Aliveandkicking: Looking back on it, my W and I certainly traded our fair share of emotional abuse. Recently with the WA part, I have been more on the receiving end, but no longer. I'm feeling pretty good and independent recently. W is not abusing, just crumbing inward on herself.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
