Fire's burning out...just smoldering

[blindsided1]

Good morning all - K had a wonderful birthday. I woke her up and put her in bed with me and we played and giggled and watched Sesame Street together. Then I had to go to the courthouse to finalize the D papers, but the lawyer wasn't available so I have to go back on the 23rd. I came home, put K in her birthday dress, and we were off to the Aquarium with my SIL, niece, nephew, K's Godmother and us. She had a great time at the Aquarium. She was kissing the fish through the glass walls, she pet a stingray and a starfish. Her favorite were the jellies. She loved those Jellyfish. We had fun. One of the Larokeet (sp?) landed on my nephews head. I got a great picture. She passed out about 3:30 and we came home. When we got home, she opened presents. She got a slide and a rocking dog to ride. She played for a good hour. Instead of steps on the slide, there is a mini rock wall. She mastered it in no time flat. I gave her dinner, and then her little mini cake. We sang Happy Birthday and she destroyed that cake. There was cake EVERYWHERE. It was great.
She got a lot of birthday wishes. But, there were a couple things that really bothered me. MIL sent a text in the am wishing her a HB and said they would be out that night and home around 9 and to call her. Well, I have been asking her for weeks if she wanted to go to the Aquarium with us. She never gave me a straight answer. So, after the text, I had my answer...she wasn't going. H didn't call all day until 5pm. The first thing out of his mouth was "Did you file the papers?" Not "How's my daughter. Tell her HB." Nothing. I told him what happened at court. Then he says "Where's my daughter?" I told him she was asleep in the backseat and he tells me to tell her HB. I hang up. We get home, K wakes up. So, I text H telling him she is awake if he wants to call to wish her HB. No response. A couple hours go by, I text MIL and tell her that I am putting K to bed soon and if she wanted to call and say HB, to do so. No response. About 1/2 hour later H calls. I answer ..."Let me talk to my daughter"...can you say a$$hole. I said nothing, just put the phone to K's ear. Then after he was done playing "good daddy", I asked if his Mom was there. He wasn't going to tell me at first. I said, "I just want to know if she wants to talk to K". She's there. She gets on the phone and we talk for about 10 minutes. So, here's what pisses me off....1) You don't need to hide the fact that you are having dinner with your own son. There was no reason for MIL to avoid me because of that. 2) Why isn't K important enough on her birthday to call her? 3) H doesn't have to be such a rude d!ck on the phone just because his stupid girlfriend is near.

It just really upset me that he is such a jerk all the time. But, I really should be used to it by now. He's been like this for a year and a half.

Everyday I am losing more and more respect and love for my H. It makes me sad in many, many ways because I wish things could be different. But, I can't MAKE him be a good person. I can't MAKE him be a good father. I'm trying to control who he is instead of accepting that THIS is who he IS. But, on the flip side...it makes it easier to move on. When I start to feel sad about the family and new life he has with her...I just remind myself of who he really is...and I KNOW, without a doubt, that he isn't the man I need or want in my life. I don't need people like that in my life. They're anchors.