he had some of these traits but they were just spokes of a many faceted wheel, now it is like the id is on steroids.
Maybe you didn't marry him as he is now.
Or maybe he wasn't then as he is now.
So what changed? Either you did or he did or you both did.
Whichever is the case, la question et suivant: Given that this is who he is at the present time, what is the best course-of-action for you?
WAW set me thinking in this way. The other day she pointed out that she's had only 3 serious boyfriends in her life, one of whom became her husband -- from high school to college to dating me to living with me to marrying me. So she's been wondering herself -- is she at 45 the person she was at 23 when we started going together? Does she want the same things, need the same things, desire the same things? How has the change in her POV through her experiences in life led her to this decision? She doesn't know the answers, but she knows there ARE answers.
