Karen- I don't know why I have a hard time with talking to my H about my fantasies, etc. We can talk about EVERYTHING else. I think it is because I feel like I am putting pressure on him when I do, and that doesn't help things. I think he is showing me love in his way, and I DO feel it, it just isn't "doing it for me". I hope the books will help him.
Stuck- Telling my H things in a light manner is walking a fine line. He sees so many things as "pressure". And, about your sitch, your W could be thinking LOTS of things. I would guess she is thinking about OM and missing things/feelings, thinking she will never be happy again. It takes time. Nothing you can do. You have to focus on yourself right now and improve yourself so that you are attractive to her. IT's what my husband did back then for me, and it is what he needs to do again. A strong man is attractive. A strong man isn't a jerk, he is one that has his own interests, has his own friends, is fun to be around, and is happy.
Yoyo- COmmunication is key. Ok, maybe I should see if he wants to "dialogue journal" about that topic. We haven't done our REtrouvaille stuff in a while, this may be JUSt the thing to use it for. He is better when we email, etc. It is a way he can express himself well. And, you are exactly right, my family is the MOST important thing in the world to me. Thanks, yoyo.
I see the cycle returning with my H and I. I see clearly now how I did what I did. I'm feeling unattractive and undesired by him right now. To go from an OM who was soo proud of me that he wanted to show me off wherever we went, to my H who has been there with me for years now and has moved to a more mature love, is hard. I know he loves me, but because the intimacy is lacking, it makes me feel ugly. I realize a lot of this is self confidence, but some of this is just a woman's desire to be looked at as a woman. The difference now is that I am aware of everything. I KNOW my H loves me and wants me, we just have some major issues to get through. Yep, we will start dialoguing about it and go from there. Step by step.
